


Worlds Away

by angelaofthelord, moritz



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-03
Updated: 2014-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-28 07:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 23,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/989353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelaofthelord/pseuds/angelaofthelord, https://archiveofourown.org/users/moritz/pseuds/moritz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>4patria:</b> Seriously, R.<br/><b>4patria:</b> Stop sending nudes to my work email.<br/><b>4patria:</b> You're going to get me fired.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "It's not an Online Dating Service, it's my boyfriend's email."

_January 21, 2013_

**_To:_** _sexualrevolution1832@gmail.com_

**_From:_** _marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk_

**_Subject:_** _I know you're online, so you better read this now._

R,

I bought you that really nice stationary last Christmas, now is the time to dig it out of the junk drawer and use it. I've been informed that your email will soon be blocked by my internet provider, as "sexualrevolution1832" sounds more like an online dating service rather than a personal email and is hardly appropriate for me to be contacting from work. From now on, please only make contact with me via post (or instant messaging, which I can only access from my flat and not the office), as any further emails you send me will be sent straight to my junk folder and deleted. And before you start complaining, remember that you made the email last year and not when you were twelve, so there really are no excuses. I look forward to your letter.

Marcelin Enjolras  
 _Head of Human Services Department_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! We're so glad you've taken interest in our fic and figured we'd give you a bit of background on what's going on before you continue, as some of it may not be explicitly stated throughout the piece. Basically, Enjolras is on work placement in England and Grantaire is back home in France working as a freelance graphic designer. Separation ain't easy, but they're making it work through various mediums of communication- which is exactly what you guys get to see. This is basically a memoir of their letters, emails, notes, and chat logs to each other while they're apart. The first email (seen above) is set about a month into Enjolras moving to London, and we're going to go from there.
> 
>  Hope you all enjoy! x  
>  moritz & angelaofthelord
> 
> **UPDATE 08.10.2013:** We've got a fanmix! There are two parts- one for Enjolras, one for Grantaire- and we suggest you listen to each, especially while reading their respective parts. The fanmix can be found here: ([x](http://spookystiefel.tumblr.com/post/63356645120/worlds-away-a-mix-for-long-distance-lovers)) Thanks again for all the love and support! xx


	2. "It's romantic I promise"

23rd January 2013

 ~~Hey you~~ ~~light of my life~~

~~to my lovely boyfriend~~

~~wassup babe~~

Dear Enjolras,

I’m not quite sure how this romantic lark is supposed to go, but I guess handwriting this letter adds at least 10 romance points to the tally. Of course if you can’t read my scrawl then I’m going to be in negatives already.

(Are we keeping a tally? Because I think that would be my only opportunity to beat you at something.)

Hopefully, the slowness of this old fashioned technique won’t detract from the burning passion and undying love I poured in to this very fancy stationary.

First things first, how dare you insinuate I would ever be embarrassed by my email address. I happen to like it very much, and I’m sure you do too, despite all the nonsensical protests. It’s not my fault that your tight ass _(heh)_ work can’t appreciate a witty email address.

Anyway, things are pretty quiet here at the apartment, as much as Courfeyrac tries to change that. I’m trying not sound soppy, by writing about how much I miss ~~your hair~~ ~~your voice~~ ~~your smell~~ you, but I thought I’d let you know I’m wearing your old Disney Land Paris top, you know the one – you thought you were buying a medium but it was extra-large? Well I remember when you wore it as pyjamas for that whole holiday, looking just like a girl in a slightly too short dress. ~~You slut.~~ I know you think it is “impractical” for actual wear, but when have I ever been practical? It’s faded and ratty, but it still smells like you, so I know you’ve been wearing it. ~~It’s all I’m wearing by the way~~

This is supposed to be a romantic love letter, but you’re weird as fuck so this is probably the most romantic part of the letter for you. Work is going well, I’ve got a couple of commissions to do and they are going to pay well. Also, I’ve been keeping up with the leaflet/flyer stuff for the group – they’ve actually turned out pretty well. Combeferre likes them so that’s probably a very good sign. (I know he’s probably told you all this over your very serious emails with very serious email addresses.)

It sounds stupid but the place seems so much bigger without you here. You’re basically a stick, so I have no idea how you take up so much room. I miss you so much and it’s not even been a month, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this place without you. Although, I have managed to get a lot more painting done because the living room has the _best_ light, and I don’t have to worry about getting in the way of one of your projects. Every cloud and all that shit.

I was thinking however, about maybe getting a cat? I mean I know it’s a bit out of the blue, but it would be your cat as well, and I’ll send you pictures so you can help choose, and I’ll try not to love it more than you. ~~I have no idea how I manage to ramble on paper even more than in real life.~~ The point is our friends are great, and I love them, but there is no way I am desperate enough to start cuddling Bahorel at night just because you’re over in the land of tea and crumpets. I need some company for when I’m at home all alone, with you however many hundreds of miles away.

You know I’m not good at putting pen to paper, and making the words actually come out in the way I mean them to. This would have been a lot easier ~~and a hell of a lot more depressing~~ if I was drunk for this, but I think I got the important things down. I love you. I miss you. I want a cat.

Lots of love,

R xxxx

PS. How many kisses am I supposed to put?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grantaire is written by angelaofthelord and Enjolras by moritz


	3. Halfway Between Political and Sexual Anarchy

_[26.01.2013, 10:43 am]_

_[4patria is now online]_

_[wineb4beer is now online]_

**4patria:** Ah! Good, you're here.

**4patria:** I got your letter.

**wineb4beer:** wow that only took a couple of days

**wineb4beer:** i thought it would get lost or s/t

**4patria:** Yeah, well, you did express mail it.

**wineb4beer:** i don't see why we can't just email, it's a lot less effort

**wineb4beer:** that stationary you got me is weird to write on

**4patria:** It's just paper, R.

**4patria:** And we COULD just email if you didn't have an account that makes me look like I'm "horny and looking for love" as they say in the adverts.

**wineb4beer:** you're saying this to an ex-art student, IT'S NOT JUST PAPER.

**wineb4beer:** I DON'T THINK THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH BEING EXPRESSIVE WITH MY SEXUALITY

**4patria:** So buy your own stationary, then! Jesus.

**wineb4beer:** are you a revolutioinary cause i would climb you like a barricade

**4patria:** There isn't! It's just not appropriate to have fluttering about my work's internet server!

**4patria:** Don't.

**wineb4beer:** *revolutionary

**wineb4beer:** damn

**4patria:** Are you drunk already?

**wineb4beer:** enjy it's only 11am.

**4patria:** Your point being?

**wineb4beer:** i'm tipsy

**wineb4beer:** have a little faith

**4patria:** Alright, alright. Keeping the faith.

**wineb4beer:** keeping it real man

**4patria:** Don't say that to me ever again, please.

**wineb4beer:** oh love you would make an excellent hippie

**wineb4beer:** you already have the hair

**4patria:** ... what?

**wineb4beer:** .............nothing

**4patria:** Speaking of which, I need a haircut soon. It's getting too long... I don't trust anyone here with it, though, and I'm not exactly in any position to fly home for a weekend just to get my hair done.

**4patria:** I'll have to ask Danny- my assistant- where the best place around here is.

**wineb4beer:** enjolras please don't end up going to a women's salon again

**4patria:** That was /one time/.

**wineb4beer:** I still have photos of the perm

**4patria:** Shut up.

**4patria:** I told you to destroy them.

**wineb4beer:** can't destroy something once the internet has seen enjy

**4patria:** You. Did. Not.

**4patria:** I could kill you right now, you know that? And that isn't a kiss typo. I mean I could actually kill you.

**wineb4beer:** courfeyrac wanted to see them and his phone was broke ... so they may be on twitter

**4patria:** You're so dead.

**wineb4beer:** you wouldn't kill me, your life would be very boring without my endless entertainment

**4patria:** It would also be a lot less stressful.

**4patria:** You do realise my employers can find those pictures, correct?

**wineb4beer:** enj i doubt they will fire you just for having super cute curly hair at one point in your life

**4patria:** I looked like Goldilocks. It was ridiculous.

**wineb4beer:** you were adorable

**wineb4beer:** *are

**4patria:** I'm not amused.

**4patria:** By the way, it's a no on the cat.

**4patria:** And before you start whining, let me explain.

**wineb4beer:** )':

**4patria:** I'm sorry that you're lonely. I wish you weren't, you know that. But having a cat means that there's going to be hair all over the house and you may promise all you'd like that you'll clean it up, but I know you, Grantaire, and you will not.

**4patria:** That, and you'll probably forget to feed it, which means it will die unless Ferre comes over and feeds it for you. Just like the fish.

**wineb4beer:** but what about if I get Joly to come and clear it up

**wineb4beer:** he won't be able to resist germs

**wineb4beer:** or a cat

**wineb4beer:** AND I WILL FEED IT I'M NOT THAT BAD

**wineb4beer:** cats are different to fish

**4patria:** The point of having an animal is to take care of it yourself, Grantaire.

**wineb4beer:** they can hunt

**wineb4beer:** uggh

**wineb4beer:** fine

**4patria:** And what exactly would you need a cat to hunt?

**4patria:** The limitless expanse of your wandering mind? Please. No one can hunt /that/ down.

**wineb4beer:** the cat can hunt for its dinner if i forget, and a side note: FUCK YOU

**wineb4beer:** my limitless, wandering mind is the source of my income thank you very much

**4patria:** I'm going to leave the "you'd like to" joke to the side, because that's a bit too obvious, even for me.

**4patria:** And, we don't have rats, so it'll starve.

**4patria:** We better not have rats!

**4patria:** Do we have rats?

**4patria:** The cat is going to hunt your corpse in all of four seconds if I find out there are rodents in the apartment.

**wineb4beer:** WE DON'T HAVE RATS

 **4patria:** GOOD.

 **wineb4beer:** honestly enj, I am not living in complete squalor

**4patria:** I wouldn't be surprised if you were!

**4patria:** Are you still in that shirt?

**4patria:** It's disgusting, you better not still be in it.

**4patria:** If the lack of response is you changing out of it, I'm judging you.

**wineb4beer:** it smells nice

**4patria:** It /used/ to smell nice, but now you've been wearing it for a week.

**wineb4beer:** if I wash it then it won't smell like you anymore

**4patria:** If you wear it to rags, it won't smell like anything anymore.

**4patria:** Do I need to send Ferre to look after you? Because I will. You know I will.

**wineb4beer:** but all of the clothes you left don't fit me

**4patria:** That's because they're /my clothes/ and I didn't leave them for you to wear, I left them because I didn't bring my entire wardrobe with me.

**wineb4beer:** but ennnnnnnjjjjjjjjjjjjjyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**wineb4beer:** i miss yoooooooooouuuuuu

**4patria:** I miss you, too, but... Grantaire, you can't just sulk around in the apartment for the entire time I'm gone.

**4patria:** Especially since we don't know when I'm coming back.

**wineb4beer:** I haven't been sulking

**wineb4beer:** I went out yesterday!

**4patria:** For the first time in three weeks?

**wineb4beer:** contrary to popular belief I am able to function without you enj, i've been meeting with jehan at least once a week for dinner and thats on top of the weekly meetings, saturday movie nights and client meetings

**wineb4beer:** i bet you've been locked in your room typing the whole time trying to save the world

**4patria:** Well, I'm proud of you.

**4patria:** London's a strange place, very different from home. I'm not entirely used to it just yet, so, yes, I would say I've been in my flat quite a bit.

**wineb4beer:** how much fish and chips have you had

**4patria:** My coworkers are treating me to a night in SoHo tomorrow, whatever that means.

**wineb4beer:** so homosexual

**wineb4beer:** i'm assuming

**4patria:** I had it maybe one time... the food here is disgusting. I miss real food, I miss good cheese and bread that doesn't taste like it's been sitting out for three weeks. And crepes. I miss crepes.

**4patria:** Actually, I don't believe any of them know I'm gay. I think it may just be a popular "going out" spot, who knows?

**wineb4beer:** i got some of those little pastries you like so much earlier, from the shop next to the bookstore

**wineb4beer:** ;)

**4patria:** Oh, god, don't. I'm jealous.

**wineb4beer:** yummy yummy

**wineb4beer:** so much cream

**wineb4beer:** everywhere

**wineb4beer:** heh

**4patria:** I shouldn't even be surprised this is where the conversation was headed.

**4patria:** There really is no wonder to your email at all...

**wineb4beer:** you love the email

**wineb4beer:** don't even deny it

**wineb4beer:** i saw a smile

**4patria:** It... suits you.

**4patria:** I wouldn't say I love it, but it does make sense.

**wineb4beer:** overthrowing the government one sexual act at a time

**4patria:** Okay, Monica Lewinsky.

**wineb4beer:** you appreciate my sexual anarchy don't you dare try and deny it

**4patria:** Anarchy? That's what you're going with- anarchy??

**wineb4beer:** i'm sorry there isn't a whole section of political vocab dedicated to innuendos

**4patria:** You'd be surprised.

**4patria:** Not that there's ever a place to use them, obviously, but they're there.

**wineb4beer:** go on then, seduce me mr head of human resources

**4patria:** I hardly think that's appropriate.

**4patria:** And don't use my title against me!

**wineb4beer:** well there is something else you could use against me

**4patria:** R...

**wineb4beer:** ITS BEEN THREE WEEKS ENJ THATS QUITE A WHILE

**4patria:** I'm aware of how long it's been, Grantaire, but... it could be worse, alright?

**4patria:** I mean, I went years of my life before ever even considering that kind of- you know what I mean. It could be worse.

**wineb4beer:** how long till you visit home :(

**4patria:** I don't know... I just got here. Another month or two, at least.

**wineb4beer:** it could definitely be worse

**wineb4beer:** i just miss ... you

**wineb4beer:** i didn't realise how much of my life you took over

**4patria:** I miss you, too.

**wineb4beer:** its the little things i think

**4patria:** You know how hard it was for me to take this job.

**wineb4beer:** i know, and its the best thing for you, and i would have hated myself if you would have stayed

**wineb4beer:** we'll get through it

**4patria:** Yeah, we will.

**4patria:** Anyway, I've got to go... meeting in fifteen and I haven't left yet.

**4patria:** I love you.

_[4patria is now offline]_

**wineb4beer:** oh okay, love you too!


	4. A Week Too Long and a Vague "I'm Sorry."

1st February 2013

Grantaire,

Sorry it's taken so long for me to write you back. I figured our chat the other day would be enough to suffice for a bit longer, but time caught up with me and, before I knew it, nearly a week had passed. I apologize for any worry I may have caused you- it was completely unintentional. Work has been hectic and I know it's no excuse for not having written you back, or called, or anything, but it's all I've got. My boss has just given me a new assignment with a very quick deadline and I'm doing my best to get it done as soon as possible. Hopefully it turns out well. 

You were right about SoHo, by the way. I think you'd like it there, though. It's very fast-paced, there's a lot of colour. It wasn't exactly my scene, but it did make me think of you. There was one point where I even thought I'd seen you, though I think that only made things worse- it reminded me that you're not here.

I've put that picture of us in front of the Eiffel Tower on my desk. One of the girls in the office asked if you were my cousin, or something, and I laughed... Is saying that you're my other half too platonic, or is it too romantic? I don't exactly want my personal life out there, but I needed something in the office to remind me of you.

About the cat... I've been thinking and, if you promise that you're going to take care of it (that includes making sure there are no hairballs around the house), go ahead and get one. I'm not a huge fan of animals, but I understand that you need someone else in the flat with you, and if that someone is a cat, then so be it.

Finally got around to getting that haircut. I'll send you a picture when I can, though I do have to warn you that the change is quite drastic. Apparently, I look more like a young British businessman now than I do a French schoolgirl. It's strange having it so short, I keep forgetting every time I try to run my hands through it.

Tell the boys I miss them. Combeferre has been keeping me updated on what everyone has been doing as of recent, but I do miss hearing from them. I assume the meetings are going well; if Courfeyrac is still missing them to go "see a movie" with Jehan, tell him I'll have his head on a plate when I get home.

I'm trying to clear my schedule for early March and am going to try to come home then. The project my boss has given me is due by the end of this month, which means everything should be a bit more calm by the time March rolls around. I'm sorry I can't be home for Valentine's day. I'll send flowers, but I don't think they'll be enough. Just remind me that I owe you when I get home. I promise I'll figure something out. If I'm free that night, perhaps we can have a Skype date. I know how eager you are for one, right now I'm just trying to figure out when I've got the time.

Part of me is hoping you've changed out of that damned Disney shirt, but my logical side is saying you probably haven't. I sent along one of my pyjama shirts in the accompanying parcel for good measure; I've been sleeping in it for the past few nights, so now you've got a fresh shirt to wear to absolute ruin.

Also enclosed in the parcel are a few candy bars that are UK specific. They all sound strange and the chocolate is, well, average, but I figured you'd at least be a little bit interested. Their desserts, like their food, are severely lackluster. Don't be disappointed, I've warned you. The paint in the container is a really nice shade of purple; I saw it in a shop and thought you might like it. I don't know what you'd use it for, but I thought it was pretty. Apparently, the brush set is pretty top notch and, even though you insist on using your old ones all the time, I thought getting you those wouldn't hurt. Sometimes change can be good, you know.

I hope work is still going well, and you know I'd love to hear more about the projects you're working on because I really do like knowing what you're up to. Please don't drink too much during the daytime (or at all, frankly), and at least make an effort not to get any paint on the carpet.

I miss your skin.

-E. x

PS: At least one but no more than four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, we are just cranking 'em out today! We hope you're all liking them so far, please leave kudos/comments if you do. Mwah.


	5. Sleepy Loveletters

4th February 2013

Hey love,

I’m glad to hear you’ve been enjoying yourself; I’d hate to think you were working yourself to death over there. We all know Combeferre was the only reason you ate and slept regularly in college. I hate to sound like a parent, but have you made any friends? (Apart from the ominous “girls in the office” of course.) I get that you don’t want your personal life out there, but you shouldn’t feel the need to hide our relationship from your co-workers. I know you, and I know you wouldn’t work for a firm that let sexuality hinder a person’s position in the company. But after all, you will be working with these people for the foreseeable future so it’s your decision.

I got the photo of your hair, and I do like it. Kind of. It is unsettling to see you looking so masculine- well for you at least, and without your trademark choir boy locks. You look very English my dear, are you forgetting ol’ gay Paree already? Hopefully it will have grown out a little by time you come to visit, so I can still run my fingers through your hair. I miss your hair; I miss the way it looks like gold when the light hits it right or burns when the sun is low.  

Actually this leads on to my other point, some rich old bat saw some of my old pieces (you know the ones Musichetta hung up in the Musain?) and commissioned me to do a series based on Greek myth. I’m actually really excited, because as much as I love graphic design it’s been a while since I’ve been able to do a proper painting series. The freedom she’s given me as well is amazing, she honestly doesn’t care about the subject – she’s just obsessed with anything and everything Classics. I’m hoping if she likes the work then I’ll get a regular job out of it.

I’ll give you one guess what the series is going to be about.

The money should be quite a lot as well, I might even be able to afford a “surprise” trip up to London for a weekend. And we can hang out. If you’re free. If not I’ll just go to the theatre. And SoHo.

Regarding the cat, I’m going to think about it. See how I am at looking after myself for a while, I don’t want to screw up something as big as a cat. Fish are fine. Fish can handle accidentally putting vodka in the fish bowl. Ish. I don’t want to disappoint you.

Courfeyrac says “screw you, you’d have to be back home to have my head” which I think is fairly infallible logic. So you get your skinny white ass back here ASAP. You know, just so you can keep Courfeyrac in line. I don’t know if you’ve already heard, knowing Marius you probably do, but the lovesick puppy has finally gotten the balls to ask Cosette to marry him. He is such a lucky man; as much as I love him that boy is definitely punching above his weight. Although I can sympathise. What other news? Gavroche has been cast in the school play, and I doubt you’ll be able to make it back to see it, but I will record it all for you.

I can’t wait to see you love. Valentine’s Day will be hard, but I think me and Eponine will go out and do something (before the skype date obviously).

Sorry if my usual wit isn’t coming across this time, I haven’t been sleeping well the last couple of weeks and it’s caught up with me. The tops you sent have helped, as sad as it is to admit, and I haven’t fallen back in to my old routines of drinking until I passed out at least. I have changed out of the Disney shirt, a miracle has actually happened. I am yet to wash it however; I think I’ll just keep in the bed with me. You know, for warmth.

I just miss you.

(and your skin of course)

Yours, (waiting patiently)

R x

PS – those Freddo chocolate bar things? They are gorgeous. And Dairy Milk. It isn’t as fancy as most of our chocolate, but it is perfect for just snacking. I think I’m growing addicted. I need more. Please.


	6. The Other Side of this Bed is Where You Should Be

8th February 2013

R,

I wouldn't say 'enjoying myself' would be the operative phrase (I'd really be enjoying myself if I was back home, I'm here for business and am going to treat my time here as such)... "tolerating" would probably make more sense. I've made a few acquaintances, all of whom work in the office, but I wouldn't consider anyone my friend just yet. I don't trust these people like I trust Courfeyrac, or Combeferre, or you.

It's not explicitly about hiding our relationship, or my sexuality. Really, it's nothing like that. I've got no issue with them knowing I'm gay, honestly, but I also don't think that personal life and business should mingle too much. That's one of the reasons I haven't really gotten close to anyone. I'm not all that concerned with them knowing about us, but I'm not going to go around flaunting it, either.

If someone knows, they know. If they don't, that's fine too. The picture of us hasn't left my desk since the day I put it there; if anyone thinks it's there other than for the most obvious reason, I'm going to let them. Frankly, I'm pretty sure there are only two or three people in the entire office who've noticed the picture at all- the woman, Janet, who asked me if we were cousins, Danny, and maybe someone else.

As for the hair, well, I've gotten used to it. It was a bit of a shock at first (a bit being an understatement, as I nearly had a breakdown at the shop), but it's definitely grown on me. I would even go as far to say that it makes me feel older, more mature... certainly more like I belong in the environment I'm working in and that I deserve my position- not that I'm just some child doing a man's job.

You have no idea how happy I am to hear you've got a good amount of work coming in. You're so talented, Grantaire, even if you don't like to think you are. I want pictures of all of your pieces- no matter what they're about. Though, for posterity's sake, I'm just going to throw in the suggestion that perhaps you should try to have at least some varying subjects in your work. Just in case.

Let me know how the purple paint and brushes work out for you, if you get the chance to use them. I would absolutely love for you to come visit me and, since I try not to work too much on the weekends, I can promise you that I would spend all of my time with you. Even if something were to come up, I'd make it work. That way, we can go to the theatre and SoHo together.

I'm glad you're putting a bit more thought into the whole cat thing. While I'm behind the idea, I do like that you're going to wait a while longer. Pets are a big step- for someone on their own or in a relationship. Especially for people in a relationship. I do love ginger cats, though; so, if you're considering, at least you know the kind I like. Is that why the fish died? You never told me that.

You can tell Courfeyrac that it doesn't matter if or when I get home, if he's not showing up to meetings, he's going to pay for it. I have heard, yes- Marius shot me an email the other day, sent me a picture of the ring and everything. It's great news, I think, and I'll definitely try and get back for the wedding. Tell Gavroche I said congratulations about making the play and that I wish I could be there.

Going out with Eponine sounds like a good idea. Send her my regards, as well. I haven't heard from her since I left, though Combeferre has informed me that she's since gotten a job working at the Musain with Musichetta, which sounds like it would be really nice. In that case, however, I'll see you in six days... even if it is only through a computer screen.

Please try and get some more sleep, Grantaire, it's not healthy to be awake so often. If it's really bad, you know you can call me at any time. I'm just glad you're not drinking too much- that's way more unhealthy than the lack of sleep. The combination is even more frightening. Still, if your sleep schedule doesn't fix itself soon, please go see a doctor. The last thing I want is to come home to a shell of you.

How that shirt hasn't fallen to dust yet, I'm not entirely sure. I expect it'll be no more than tatters by the time I get back. I've enclosed more Freddos and Dairy Milks, just as you've asked, along with a bottle of my cologne. I figured that, this way, you can wear your own clothes and they'll still smell like me. I only have so many pyjama shirts, you know.

I'm lying in bed now, and I can't help but think that you should be here next to me.

-E. x


	7. I'm not drinking any more, but I'm not drinking any less

12th February 2013

Enjolras,

I just finished a piece using your purple paint, admittedly it’s not the colour range I usually use but it worked beautifully for the birthday present I’ve been working on for Jehan. His present, or at least part of it, is a painting of larkspur flowers. I’m sure he’ll appreciate the meaning of the flowers – because I know he’ll know straight away. They symbolise a beautiful spirit, and I think that works for him.

I went to the park today, the one where we went for our first date. It was a bit bitter sweet going alone, but I drew for hours and it’s still as beautiful as ever so it wasn’t too bad. Eponine is settling in well in her job, so I’ve been hanging at the café even more than usual (which is an achievement) in the hopes I’ll score some free coffee. However between Musichetta constantly on the prowl, and Eponine actually wanting to hold on to this job, my prospects of free stuff have been severely compromised.

Good news! I’ve learnt how to cook.

Well, I can now cook pasta, jacket potato and chicken without setting things on fire. Jehan is going to come over at some point to show me how to cook a steak properly _and_ he’s going to make me some of those gorgeous cookies. You’ll be very pleased to know I’m not wasting all of my money on take out.

Thanks for the presents, I’ll make sure to send something back this time. I’m sending a box of those pretentious chocolates you pretend to hate but secretly hoard. Also, I’ve included one of my tops – because even though you keep making fun of me for wearing your stuff, but I know you are sitting over there wishing you had a piece of me too. You try and hide it but sometimes you’re even more soppy and romantic than me. As it’s very nearly Valentine’s Day, your card is in this package too. There’s no defined VD present yet – you’ll have to wait until you come and visit for that surprise. I can’t express how excited I am about our “skype date”. I understand you’ve been snowed under at work, so it’ll be nice to see your face again and properly hear your voice.

Courfeyrac still remains unafraid of your threats, which frankly I think is stupid. He knows better than that, he should be aware that you always follow through on your threats after all of these years being your friend. Please refrain from killing him until at least a couple of weeks, it’s a big secret at the moment and he only told me because we were drunk but he’s going to ask Jehan to move in with him the day after Valentine’s Day. I know what you’re thinking – why the day after? Courf said doing it actually on Valentine’s Day would be such a cliché and obviously he’s too much of a fucking hipster to go for a big cliché like that. It’s more romantic he says, but whether or not it comes off that way still remains to be seen.

England is your place of work, I understand this but I hope you’ll gain new friends over there. Obviously I don’t want you to get too close to anyone over there, we don’t want them stealing you like they seem to steal everything else. Combeferre would have my head if you got a new best friend too, although you’ll never find anyone who is so well suited for you as Combeferre. You guys are platonic soul mates.

We shouldn’t have invested in such a nice bed love, it’s so big and comfy but it still feels cold and empty without you. I have been sleeping slightly better, thanks to your cologne I think, but it still doesn’t feel right and I doubt it ever will. Part of me is missing; it’s been missing every second you’ve been away. I’m getting used to not having you invade every aspect of my life, but it’s still wrong.

I love you, and I miss you.

R xx

PS I’ve set up a new email so I can bother you at work – bonus point is I can now contact clients outside of phone calls.


	8. A Quick Moment Between Lovers

  
  
  
  


> "Six weeks ago."
> 
> "Yeah, since then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original tumblr post can be found here ([x](http://spookystiefel.tumblr.com/post/63145105880/worlds-away-enjolras-grantaires-valentines))


	9. I Did Not Know True Happiness Until I Saw Your Smile

_February 15, 2013_  


_**To:** j.grantaire@gmail.com_  


_**From:** marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk_  


_**Subject:** In regards to our meeting yesterday_

Julien,

I apologize for the formality of the email's title- I'm logged on from work and they do monitor the titles, though not the emails themselves- and I know we just spoke yesterday, but... I don't know, I had to talk to you again and thank you for last night. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but seeing you last night just made me realise how much I miss you- everything about you. I haven't been able to focus on work today because I keep hearing your voice. You have no idea how happy seeing you last night made me. I've been some kind of slump ever since I left (not depressed, per se, just... not the same) and I didn't fully take notice until I saw you yesterday. I don't say it enough, I know that, don't tell you how much I love you. It's hard for me, always has been. Though I suppose you know that better than I do.

But I do miss you, Julien, I miss you so much. I'm so sorry I don't tell you that more often. I should. There are a lot of things I should do when it comes to us that I don't, and I'm sorry for that, too. You deserve better than that coming from me. Please don't think my lack of outward expression hinders my feelings for you in any way: it doesn't, nothing could. Even if you know think you know how I feel, it just isn't enough. I wish I could be better for you, as wonderful as you are to me. This job is what I want, but you're what I want, too. I'm torn between what I love and who I love and it's ripping me apart; I didn't realise until I saw you how much it was pulling at me. It's tearing me to absolute bits.

It was easier just exchanging letters, I think. Out of sight, out of mind, perhaps. But now that I've seen you I can't stop thinking about you, about how much I miss you (and about how much you need a damn haircut). Maybe I'm bursting at the seams, but it's all for you. I know I'm meant to have this job. I love my job, I finally feel like I'm making a difference in people's lives. Even though I've been sacrificing for others my whole life, I don't think I accounted for how big of a sacrifice being away from you would be when I took this job. It's possible I did know and simply chose to ignore it- not just for my sake, but for yours. I thought it would wedge something between us, make it easier for us to be apart. Obviously, I was completely wrong in that regard, as it's only made me miss you more. 

Wow, I've gone off on a complete tangent... I suppose that's nothing new, though. My point was, originally, to thank you. Thank you for a lovely evening last night, it was great to be just a little bit closer to you again. When I get back to my flat tonight, I'm going to look for a plane ticket home in March. Hopefully, I'll be able to take a few days off and extend my trip longer than just a weekend- two days may not be enough. After all, I've got to visit everyone else, as well, and two days in its entirety is not nearly enough time with just you alone. I haven't taken any sick days yet, I've got a few building up, perhaps I should use a few and save the rest for the next time I come to visit. Those are paid days, as well; seems like a win-win all around to me. Anyway, I should go- I've got a call coming in at two and I need to get my files together.

Tu es a moi.

Marcelin Enjolras  
 _Head of Human Services Department_


	10. Every Second is Like an Hour

_February 16 th 2013_

**_To:_ ** _[marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk](mailto:marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk)_

**_From:_ ** _[j.grantaire@gmail.com](mailto:j.grantaire@gmail.com)_

_Subject: RE: In regards to our meeting yesterday_

Oh love,

It breaks my heart to see you struggling like this. I really do understand how hard this is for you, I’ve known you all these years Enjolras – I _know_ you.

You’ve never been one for outward expressions of emotions. Even Combeferre who has known you practically since birth will agree with me on this one. You may have the eloquence and passion to start a revolution with just one speech – but when it comes to your own emotions it’s another matter entirely. Please don’t think I mean this as an insult, it is part of why I love you. It makes you human Enjolras. It’s nothing to be ashamed of because you find something difficult. Your difficulty with this makes these little gestures even more special you know. I always know you mean it, because if it’s worth saying, you’ll say it right.

It’s hard to get on to paper (well screen in this case) everything I’m thinking, because I have so many little things I want to tell you. There are little stupid things I see every day that I think you would like, or make me laugh, or would get you all angry and ready to change the world. I can’t send you stupid texts all the time anymore, the ones that you _always_ say are annoying and inconvenient but I _know_ they make you smile. I can see it now, the stupid tiny smile you get when you’re trying to hide it and be serious.

How can you say you don’t deserve me? You’re off in another country trying to save the world, and I’m here looking like a hung over Jesus pining pathetically. I’m not glad, as such, that the separation is just as hard for you as it may be for me, but I guess it’s a kind of reassurance for me that I’m not alone in this. You care just as much as me.

(I can see you, sitting there in your ergonomic chair frowning at my words and tutting at my self-deprecating nature)

I miss you love. I miss you so much it hurts. I used to think that the pain I felt before we got together was the worst, and things could only get better from there. Somehow this is worse. I think it’s because you’ve invaded my life, taken over every part and I can always see you and how you’d fit – but now you’re not here and everything is so empty.

I’m trying not to be too depressing love, I promise. This just got away from me and I couldn’t stop typing. It’s difficult.

I can’t wait to see you. It will make you leaving again so much harder, but what can I say? I’ve never done anything the easy way.

Je suis à toi.

R x

PS I can’t believe you’re going to skive off work just to see me. England has changed you. ;)

PPS Has London grown on you yet? And have you managed to do anything except work yet?


	11. Every Minute is a Mile, I've Never Felt So Hollow

_February 18 th 2013_

**_To:_ ** _j.grantaire@gmail.com_

**_From:_ ** _marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk_

_Subject: RE:RE: In regards to our meeting yesterday_

R,

I know you understand-- to an extent, anyway. You know me better than anyone, perhaps. Despite the fact that Combeferre and I have been friends our whole lives, you have still seen me at a much more... vulnerable level than he ever has. In more ways than one. You've seen me differently than anyone else has, really, and that was only because I let you in (despite how long it took). I just don't like the way it feels... vulnerability, being unsure of myself. It's not something I was ever truly familiar with before you. Maybe I chose to ignore it for the sake of what I was working for, or as a way not to let them consume me, but I do know that I never truly looked inwards at myself until you helped me. While I would never be flippant about what I say in any situation- such carelessness is immature, I think- it's still different when it comes to you... everything is different when it comes to you.

Though I'd hate to admit what consequences shall arise from my saying it; yes, your ridiculous text messages do make me smile. I miss them more than I'd care to acknowledge, so let's keep it that way. Don't go blowing up my phone so I can catch up on everything when I get back, it's off and sitting in my sock drawer, anyway, so you'll probably just end up breaking it. If anything, I'll leave my laptop logged in when I leave for work and you can leave me Instant Messages to keep me updated. I can read them when I get home. Perhaps the fact that I'm likely making that exact face right now (I'm assuming that's what it is, as it's typically my expression when it comes to anything involving you) can be some kind of consolation. And the fact that I'm imagining that stupidly cute and mischievous look you get when you're sending said text messages is a consolation for me. Guess that makes us both winners.

It's quite simple to say it, really. I mean, I spent years completely overlooking any sign of emotional feelings or advances from you... or for you, honestly, although I suppose that was more of an internal battle than anything that had to do with you directly. As terrible as it sounds, you have loved me for much longer than I have loved you. You know it's the truth, as do I, and perhaps I feel like I need to make it up to you. Yes, of course I care as much now- how could I not? Taking this job was not a way to get away from you, R, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I mean, it took me years to be able to realise my feelings, much less commit to them; the last thing I would want to do after all of that effort- all of the crap I put you through- would be run away. That would hardly be fair for either of us.

See, this is what I'm talking about. Think about all the hurt, all the pain I put you through before we were together. _I_ did that, no one else. The worst part was, I didn't even notice, didn't realise what I was doing to you until it was nearly too late. And now I've done it again, ran off without you and left you to suffer on your own. And, yes, for the record, I am frowning. It isn't because of you, though; it's because of me. I should be better, I should have been better from the start. Before you go trying to prove me otherwise, let me remind you that the hundreds of miles between us right now is completely my doing. You didn't up and leave, I did. I consciously made the choice to leave you and, despite my regret, I haven't exactly come running home, either. That, in itself, is proof enough.

That doesn't mean, of course, that I'm not dying to be with you again, in your arms again. I am, and I look forward to coming home so much. Each second ticks by slower than the last, it is eons until I see your face again. And, I know that my leaving again will likely be harder than the first time, but the way I'm thinking of it is that you've got some money coming in soon... you're still considering coming to London for a weekend, right? Hopefully it is sooner rather than later, and we don't have to wait another three months before seeing each other again. Marius emailed me and told me he and Cosette set their date for August 17 (was that a surprise? If so, sorry for ruining it; I just thought you should know), so I've already made plans to come home again that weekend- bought the ticket and everything.

My flight leaves at half four on the eighth, which is nineteen days from now. Nineteen days until I see you again, nineteen days of me counting the minutes until I can finally hold you in my arms. By the way, I'm not "skiving off work," I'm simply taking back a few of the extra hours (out of many I've stocked up working overtime since I was assigned this new project) back. Plus, I'm leaving work at three, that's only two hours early, and I promised them I'd stay on call until my flight took off. After that, I've permitted them to only call me if an emergency situation occurs, which means Danny will likely be the only one calling me. He won't contact me unless it's truly important, I've made it clear- as vaguely as I possibly can- that my weekend home is very important and I would prefer not to be bothered.

Speaking of doing things besides work, and of Danny, I actually did go out recently. He had an extra ticket to a band he liked and offered it to me because, apparently, he (and the rest of the office) think I'm much too work-oriented and needed another night out since they took me to SoHo... which, as they were so keen to remind me, was nearly a month ago now. The concert was alright, I suppose, but concerts have never really been my thing. A few of his friends were there, as well, but they all just seem so young, so immature. Imagine taking a few years off of Courfeyrac and multiplying him by four- that's what his friends were like. They all got absolutely pissed and I had to escort the lot of them back to Danny's flat before going home. Either I have a very faulty gaydar (wouldn't be surprising), or Danny was flirting with me whilst drunk. He hasn't said anything about it, not that it would matter. I'm clearly not interested.

Until the eighth, I'll be missing you. Only 27,36- 27,359 minutes to go.

\- E. x

PS: England hasn't changed me, you have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stole this chapter title from a Brand New song. Whoops! x


	12. Redemption

_February 20th 2013_

**_To:_ ** _marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk_

**_From:_ ** _j.grantaire@gmail.com_

**_Subject:_ ** _Concerning our impending international merger._

Enjolras,

Sorry it’s taken a couple of days to get back to you but I’ve been swamped with my work, I kind of got in the zone and couldn’t stop. I’m only able to talk now, instead of after hibernation period, because Eponine came over to feed and water me. So thankfully I didn’t fall in to a post art coma or something. I’m sure you’ve been very busy with work, however I hope you’ve also been very busy refreshing your emails. But on the bright side at least it’s only seventeen more days till you come to visit.

It’s so strange for me, to see you (in a manner of speaking) like this. All of the time I’ve known you, even when we’ve been together, you’ve been the strong one. You have been as beautiful as marble, but flawless and unblemished like it too. Things have always seemed to bounce off of your steely outer layer; you’ve never appeared to be as open as you are now. I know you aren’t some kind of unfeeling God, and I’m aware that things affect you. I’ve seen you after a rally that turned bad, or when you’ve heard about some new injustice. I know that broken look you get in your eyes when you see how much there is wrong in this world. However I’ve never seen you like this over your personal life. You’re emotional for your friends, but you’ve always kept yourself so well guarded. It’s giving me a sick sort of thrill seeing you so human and vulnerable. And if that doesn’t make me the shittiest boyfriend ever, I don’t know what will.

God Enjolras, this visit can’t come soon enough. I’ll be there at the airport with a stupid sign that I’ve spent hours painting and will not doubt end up in the bin five seconds after I see you. If I had my way I’d wait at the airport right now if it made you come any sooner. When did our lives become such a movie? I was quite content with a stable relationship for once in my life, accompanied by the occasional mad adventure which would have probably been caused by Courfeyrac. (Who by the way has asked Jehan to move it with him, and he did say yes – bizarre romantic notions aside). I would never resent you moving, and despite the thoughts that sometimes threaten to invade – I know you didn’t leave because of me. You just did what you always do, you were selfless in your decision and you’ve gone to the place where you can do the most good. I could cry all day and night, and eventually drag you back here but where would that leave us? I may miss you so much sometimes I think I can’t breathe, but I don’t want you to come running back just because of me.  

Don’t worry you haven’t spoilt the surprise of “The Wedding” (we’ve deemed it important enough to have capital letters so you can probably guess what kind of a state Marius is in _all of the fucking time_ ). We had a party the other day to celebrate; your presence was sorely missed even though you’ve never really been the party kind. There was a grumpy, sober corner of the café that had your name all over it. I’m counting down the days till you’re back love; I’m also making lots of plans for things we can do. Don’t worry, I’ll factor in time for you to see everyone else, though hopefully they won’t begrudge me _too_ much for monopolising you the rest of the time. And as well as this my paintings sold for more than I had budgeted, so I’ve got enough for plane tickets. I’ll come up for a weekend in April I think; we can be proper tourists and walk round the city or go to all these new places your friends have shown you. We can sort it out when you come down.

I’m glad to see you’re having some kind of fun (well I mean, it appears fun is happening in your general vicinity, so I guess that counts) Courfeyrac will definitely be pleased to hear that you’ve stepped out of your flat. To a concert no less! I shudder to think about you subjected to the horror of multiple Courfeyracs. If I’m totally honest, I thought your assistant was a girl. I know you’re sitting there about to chastise me for stereotyping certain jobs as gender specific (or something along those lines) but in my defence you made no mention of this guy… being a guy. No harm no foul I suppose. I’d say that you shouldn’t trust your gaydar, as Combeferre did mention to me that you thought _I_ was straight for the first three months you knew me, despite me drunkenly trying to hit on you at every opportunity. However, with a face like yours, who wouldn’t be flirting? I’m sure this Danny guy isn’t immune to your freakish good looks.

A year ago I would have said that I was tainting you rather than changing you, I would have said that you shouldn’t lower yourself anymore before I ruined you completely. But now, I kind of like the changes. I like seeing this other side of you. I guess you’ve changed me too.

R x

PS. Did you like the subject of the email? ;););)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is the title of one of my favourite Frank Turner songs, and I think the line "darling I miss you, your music, your musk and your kisses" fits this story nicely.   
> \- angelaofthelord x


	13. In Which Enjolras is Oblivious to Most Things (as per usual).

_February 21 st 2013_

**_To:_ ** _j.grantaire@gmail.com_

**_From:_ ** _marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk_

_Subject: RE: Concerning Our impending international merger._

R,

You most certainly do not need to apologize for taking your time in getting back to me. On the contrary, I'm extremely happy to hear that you've been so busy with work. I do really want to see pictures, so send me some when you get the chance. I'm glad Eponine has been taking care of you; someone has to do it, though I'm sure everyone has been checking up on you. I get emails from them every so often letting me know you're okay, making sure I'm okay, the usual. Of course, I still speak to Combeferre most of all, but that's nothing new. Aside from you, he's likely the thing that ties me most to home. I have been extremely caught up with work, though, as it's nearing the end of the month and my project is due in a week. That's coming along well, though, so I'm hoping the office's stress level will be a bit more subdued after our deadline.

Honestly, I think it may be as strange to you as it is to me. That sounds odd, I know, but I've been thinking about it and there's only one deduction I have made that truly makes sense. You know as well as I have that I haven't really been out much since I moved and, aside from a few coworkers who have become acquaintances, don't have many friends. The way I see it, I'm still the same way I've always been when I'm around other people. Things changed for us when we became more... intimate, and I think this is just a different medium of expressing that. Perhaps it seems more heartfelt, more meaningful now; maybe things are just easier for me to write down than they are for me to say. I'm not quite sure. The point is, nothing has really changed for me- I don't think.

No, the visit most certainly cannot come soon enough. It's strange, though, because I can't even express how excited I am to anyone. I don't talk about my personal life with my coworkers. They all know I'm going home, sure, but I'm not exactly skipping about the hallways singing "I get to see my boyfriend in sixteen days." Honestly, Grantaire, if you haven't cut your hair by the time I get back, I don't think I'm going to need you holding a sign in order to spot you. It wouldn't be worth spending hours on to simply throw out, anyway. Just you there will be more than enough. I actually did know about Courfeyrac and Jehan, though- Jehan emailed me and told me about it right after it happened. If you think I've been emotional lately, I should forward you his message. I've never read something so damn soppy in my life.

You could drag me back, yes, but I'm not entirely sure how much good that would do for either of us. Like I said, though: I don't think that I accounted for how my "selfless" act would affect you- or even me, in that case. Asking you to come with me just seemed to be out of the question at the time; I was already uprooting my entire life (when I knew I had stability), and it wouldn't have been fair to ask you to do the same. Especially now that you've got work coming in, to be so selfish as to ask you to move here would be ridiculous. Mostly because I know you would probably do it. As romantic of a gesture as that is, I'm not letting you cut all of your ties for my sake. I've done it and, trust me, it isn't fun.

Oh, I know all about "The Wedding." Marius has been sending me daily emails keeping me updated on the planning. He's starting a blog for it. I may have to get his messages sent to my spam folder at this point, because "I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH <3 <3 <3" (a verbatim quote, by the way) is not something I need to be reading during work. Neither are your emails, I suppose, but I tend to regard those with a bit more importance. Ah, I'm not entirely sure I miss my grumpy, sober corner. I think it may have followed me here. I do look forward to seeing everyone, though- you most of all. I'm so proud that your art is doing so well, and we can most certainly plan your London trip when I come home. I look forward to it.

When I said concert, I suppose I didn't specify what exactly happened. The venue it was at was packed and, while most of the attendees were crowded toward the stage, I sat in the back at a table and watched from afar. Like I said, the corner follows me everywhere. It was fine, though- I didn't see much of Courfeyracs 2, 3, 4, and 5 (none could replace the original, obviously) until toward the end of the show, and their slobbering drunkenness may have actually been why they bothered me so much. No, I didn't mention Danny was a boy, but... well, I didn't really think it would be much of an issue. He's nice enough, yes, but my heart clearly lies elsewhere. Plus, I don't even know if he really was flirting with me- I could just be making the whole thing up in my head. I won't chastise you for all of that, however, because I'm sure whatever mental image you have of me has already done so (and was pretty spot on).

I'll see you in just over two weeks. Until then.

-E. xx

PS: I just understood what you meant by that... you do know I'm at work, right?


	14. Just a Quickie

_February 22 nd 2013_

**_To:_ ** _marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk_

**_From:_ ** _j.grantaire@gmail.com_

**_Subject:_ ** _Logistical plans in regards to merger_

15 days baby!

I can’t believe it is only a fortnight till I see you again. It’s weird to think that it’s been nearly two months since I last saw you – you should see my hair. It still hasn’t been cut, although I have shaved. As much as I’m being teased by everyone (Courfeyrac and Bahorel are the main culprits) it’s actually starting to _grow_ on me.

Marius started a pathetically loved up blog about him and Cosette and their sickening romance, and no one mentioned this to _me_? I tell you what Enjolras; this group has fallen to pieces since you left. There’s no order! It’s chaos! Before you went, if this would have happened there would have been a mass text and a whole party dedicated to teasing poor Pontmercy. I am happy for them though, it’s good for the poor boy to have someone to love him like Cosette does – I don’t think he’s had much of that in his life. Also, they asked me to be the photographer and I initially refused. Don’t get me wrong, I was honoured and I’m sure I could do them justice but I know that I’d get drunk or mess it up in some way. However your beloved best friend managed to convince me to rethink my answer. He’s the first person to overcome my stubbornness since you.

Personally, I think we should make a compilation of: our soppiness, J&C’s soppiness, and the Pontmercy’s soppiness and THEN get Combeferre to judge it to see who is the most pathetically in love. Do you think we should introduce Joly, Bossuet and Musichetta in to the competition? I think we’ve got the advantage because they’ve kind of moved out of that phase because they’ve been together for so long. I highly doubt that Marius will ever come out of that stage. Then again we probably won’t either with the way things are going at the minute.

I’m glad you’ve got “acquaintances” (there you go you pedantic asshole now you can’t correct me on semantics) or people you’re vaguely friendly with. Hopefully the Courf clones won’t rub off on you too much; I’d be lost without my uptight boyfriend. Just so long as you tell this Danny fellow where to stick it if he actually does flirt with you. Maybe you should casually drop me in a conversation. I mean, you don’t have to of course. I know you want to keep me separate from work. You know what I mean. Hopefully. I’m rambling.

This one is going to be short and sweet, I’m a bit hung over but I wanted to have a quick chat – it’s better than nothing. I’ve attached some photos of my latest work, however if some photos of me in my new pants find their way into the attachment, that is not my fault.

Until fifteen days.

I love you.

R x

PS. Are you trying to tell me you popped at boner in the office because of my ridiculously stupid innuendo? Why, Enjolras, I’m impressed.


	15. Subtle and Subdued and Something About Sex

_February 24 th 2013_

**_To:_ ** _j.grantaire@gmail.com_

**_From:_ ** _marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk_

_Subject: RE: Logistical plans in regards to merger_

You should know that, were I with you right now and you said that to me, I would have hit you. Hard. That's worse than one of Bahorel's jokes, and I didn't even know that was possible. I'm mentally hitting you, as it is. I should email the two of them and tell them to shave your head in the middle of the night. It may be the only way.

I don't think I've ever laughed so much at a paragraph in my life (honest statement). Though I suppose I should take the blame, considering it is apparently my leaving that has caused such anarchy amongst the lot of you. Then again, perhaps it's Combeferre's fault for not taking charge. I should have words with him when I get back. Honestly, though, I thought the blog thing was common knowledge; Marius did mention something about putting out a mass email when he finished the coding next week... perhaps that's why you haven't heard of it yet. You're not letting them pay you to do it, are you? I know the question seems crass, but... they're friends, you know? I wouldn't ask Cosette to take photographs at our wedding if it meant we knew we were going to have to pay her for it. Just think, though- after the first dance and the toast, there really isn't much for you to do. Take some candids, sure, but I think they both know you're not going to spend the entire night behind the lens. You're going to have to coax me to dance at least once.

As absolutely awful as I think that idea is in general, I'm pretty sure Marius would win regardless. You and I can at least show some constraint; Jehan and Courfeyrac may be in their honeymoon phase at the moment, but they'll be like the trio soon enough. I think our situation is quite different in comparison to the rest, so I don't know exactly how it would play out. We may be in love, but no one is as pathetic as Marius. He's like an adopted puppy who can't believe he has an owner after having been found... what, four years ago, now? Jesus, has it already been that long? Oh, and, you better not show my emails to anyone, Grantaire. I'm serious.

Ah, you know me so well. Seriously, though, do you really think that a bunch of twenty-twos could rub off on me after a couple of months when Courfeyrac himself hasn't and I've known him since we were sixteen? I certainly don't (I am, however, ignoring the fact that you called me uptight for obvious reasons). Oh, I wouldn't be too worried about Danny. He's just a child, he's harmless. I'll mention you if the conversation permits you being mentioned, but I'm not going to namedrop for the sake of warding off someone who very well might not mean any harm at all. I really couldn't tell you whether or not he's flirting with me, because I'm not entirely sure, myself. It's fine, it's kind of endearing when you ramble.

The new portrait looks gorgeous.

-E. x

PS: No... That is _not_ what I'm saying at all. I'm saying it's inappropriate for you to be sending me those kinds of things while I'm at work. And pictures of your new pants... entirely inappropriate. Stop it. Stop it right now.

PPS: You do realise pitching the idea of a merger to my part of the company is completely inaccurate, right? Those types of things should go straight to corporate (though, if this email ever got to corporate, I'd be fired on the spot). If you're going to use work-related innuendos in order to get some kind of reaction out of me, at least _try_ and make them realistic.


	16. Puns are underrated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! In case you haven't already seen, we've got a mix for the fic. I recommend you listen to it while reading and just listen to it all the time because it's awesome. It's in two parts, one side is Enjolras and the other is Grantaire and you can find it here:  
> http://spookystiefel.tumblr.com/post/63356645120/worlds-away-a-mix-for-long-distance-lovers
> 
> angelaofthelord x

_February 26th 2013_

**_To:_ ** _marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk_

**_From:_ ** _j.grantaire@gmail.com_

**_Subject:_ ** _Regarding the relations of the most human nature_

Morning Enjy,

Guess what! I got a full night sleep last night.

I am very upset you don’t like my puns Enjolras. They are witty, intelligent and well thought out. Here are some more of my best, for your amusement:

_Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now._

_Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink._

_I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it._

_A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired._

I know you’ll be sitting at your desk, pretending you don’t find me absolutely hilarious and scowling so you can try and hide the giggles. Don’t pretend you don’t think I’m hilarious. You already admitted that I made you laugh in the last email, so I know you’re capable of laughing contrary to popular belief. Try not to upset the rest of the office with your manic giggles.

Of course I’m not going to let Cosette and Marius pay me because firstly, I’m a cheap guy and this is my present to them and secondly, it’s not like I need the extra money because I am officially your kept man. A title which I have absolutely no problem with, I assure you. I hope Cosette doesn’t mind if half of her wedding album is made up of photos of you. Cause damn, I love it when you get dressed up all fancy. You look positively sinful in a tux. Also, I’m not going to get Cosette or one of our other friends to do our wedding, you’re Mr Big International Business Person Thing now so we can afford a proper professional and we can do one of those stupid photos with everyone. You know like that one where they all have super hero outfits underneath the suits? How many blowjobs would I have to give to convince you that’d be a rad idea for the wedding?

I told Courfeyrac about your adventures in socialisation, and the infamous sober corner. And he said, and this is a direct quote: “The corner is a bullshit social construct, and even though Enjolras didn’t coin the term he still clings to it in a pathetic attempt to excuse himself from normal human interaction. The dude just needs a beer.” After he said this, he realised that I would most likely tell you, and well, he knows you well enough to understand what kind of bollocking he is going to get for that so his next words were: “But of course Enjolras is a professional adult who has the right to choose what he does with his free time, and if that free time is spent salivating over contracts then so be it.”

They are all direct quotes. I await your sentencing for him.

Now I’m having awful mental images of what you would be like if Courfeyrac _had_ rubbed off on you. It is a very, very scary thought I assure. Can you image it? Jäger bombs and speeches? Rallies and then a rave? Courfeyrac manages to have a respectable day job whilst still being an over excited frat boy somehow (personally I’m convinced he’s not quite human) but with you it would be completely alien. So weird. The first time we met, you probably would have joined in with my drinking game instead of glaring at me and shouting.

You know I’d never show anyone the emails, they’re private (and I can’t show anyone my totally awesome puns) it’s the only real way we can talk now and as much as I love our friends they do not need to know I’m this pathetic and soppy. Or that you are as well. Although if I ever get to the “Marius” standard of soppy you must alert me immediately because I will have to do something drastic to gain some self-respect back. You never know, I might even write some poetry in the next email. If you’re lucky. It probably wouldn’t be fair exposing you to my amazing puns _and_ amazing rhymes in the same space. It’d be far too intense for you. You’d die from over awesome exposure.

Anyway, I must be off before I waste this _whole_ message with my rambles. Can’t wait to see you, not long now. I love you.

R x

PS – I can’t believe that the problem you have with my sexual innuendos are that they aren’t completely accurate. You’re something special Enjolras.

PPS – Did you at least like the pants?


	17. "Awesome" Probably Isn't the Word You Should be Going For

_February 28 th 2013_

**_To:_** j.grantaire@gmail.com

**_From:_** marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk

**_Subject:_** RE: Regarding the relations of the most human nature

R,

I'm glad to hear you've gotten sleep. God knows you needed it.

You may have made me laugh in the last email, but I can assure you these "awesome puns" have not had the same effect. And, I don't know what look you're talking about, because I can assure that I am genuinely not amused by your... jokes, if they can even be called that. Yes, I am capable of laughter- and most human emotion, thank you, contrary to the opinions of our ridiculous friends. There are, however, no giggles to disrupt my coworkers this time- trust me. Stop trying to distract from the fact that you need to get a haircut.

My kept man? You're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, Grantaire. Implying that you're a.... trophy boyfriend, of sorts, would insinuate that you're here with me so I can show you off at dinner parties while giving you money to buy Givenchy tuxedos. Not only do I not have the money for that kind of thing, but I hardly think that would be a very interesting- or fair- relationship for either of us. Keep up with all this talk and people will start calling you a gold-digger. That thought in itself is quite ridiculous, considering I'm far from rich and, even if I were rich, my money would be going to better causes than purchasing a villa in Fiji.

She might mind just a bit, though. Marius would probably mind even more, because they wouldn't all be of Cosette. Just take their pictures on the good camera, and use the little disposable ones they put out on the table to take pictures of me, since you're obviously so keen on the idea of making their wedding into some kind of photoshoot. Again with the money thing; you know lavish isn't exactly my style, Grantaire. It shouldn't be about that. There is literally not a number large enough to put on the amount of blowjobs you would have to give me, mostly because it's not going to happen regardless. Better start when I see you, though, if you're so set on it. It's not like we really need to be worrying about any of this anytime soon, though, so...

First off, tell Courfeyrac that I do not _salivate_ over contracts. On the contrary, I quite dislike contracts. They're a hassle to deal with- reading through the fine print, finding loopholes... I don't exactly enjoy that. Secondly, tell him that, as a free adult who is allowed to do anything with his time, I may spend my entire time home (not true, obviously, but tell him for dramatic effect) scolding him for his brash words and properly educate him on what a true social construct is. I won't bore you with those details because, frankly, you've probably already skipped over this paragraph in its entirety the minute I wrote contracts, and will forget to tell him any of this entirely. If you are still reading, I'm proud of you for not completely tuning this out; thanks for paying attention and please pass the message along.

It still astounds me that he parties like an eighteen year old at twenty-six. Honestly, I kind of admire his resolve. It's impressive that he still has that kind of energy after a 9-5. I barely have the energy to take the tube home after I'm done for the day at work. Courfeyrac and I are so different, though, I highly doubt he will have ever be able to rub off on me. His lifestyle - after work hours, anyway - is quite reckless and immature. I care deeply about him, but he's still got the mentality of a college sophomore. I don't think I could ever... go backwards, for lack of a better term, and become that irresponsible again. It just doesn't appeal to me at all. And, for the record, I don't need a beer. I drink beer every so often; I'm just not a fan of getting really drunk. One beer isn't going to make me sloppy, so I'm not opposed to it here and there.

You can't show anyone how "totally awesome" your puns are because you know that, like me, they will simply shake their head, face-palm, and pretend like they didn't hear the ridiculous excuse for a joke you just made. As for not exposing our... soppiness to them, I don't know. I think they already know you're like that and, when it comes to me, they know how I feel about you- even if I don't always say it. And, don't worry, if you ever reach Marius level, you'll know. How drastic are we talking here? So drastic you may get a haircut before I get home? Because, in that case, you've done it. You've reached that point. Poetry, hmm? You really have been spending a lot of time with Jehan... not that I mind, of course, but poetry. Wow. I'm not quite sure "awesome exposure" is the proper term, but... yeah. Let's go with that.

Soon.

Marcelin Enjolras  
 _Head of Human Resources_

PS: This one was much better. Thank you.

PPS: Yes. I definitely liked the pants.


	18. Aren't You a Little Bit Old For Sex Ed?

_[01.03.2013, 08:14 pm]_

_[4patria is now online]_

_[wineb4beer is now online]_

**4patria:** Seriously, R.

**4patria:** Stop sending nudes to my work email.

**4patria:** You're going to get me fired.

**wineb4beer:** Oh come on enjy, i think you're probably being a tad dramatic

**wineb4beer:** who wouldn't appreciate a pic of this hot ass

**4patria:** I don't really think I am.

**wineb4beer:** love I don't think they'll fire you

**wineb4beer:** but I won't send anymore

**wineb4beer:** if you don't want them

**4patria:** I'm not saying I don't appreciate it. I'm saying I don't appreciate it while I'm at work.

**wineb4beer:** aha! I caught you! you do have a sex drive!

**4patria:** I...

**4patria:** You already know that.

**wineb4beer:** love I promise you're going to be locked in our bedroom for at least three days when you come home

**4patria:** I'm only going to be home for two days, though... and I would like to see my friends, not be held in a hostage situation.

**wineb4beer:** FINE

**wineb4beer:** 12 hours

**wineb4beer:** let me exaggerate you idiot

**4patria:** I'm not quite sure how I feel about gambling for my freedom...

**wineb4beer:** it's not a hostage situation enj

**wineb4beer:** i am perfectly within my rights to ravish you

**4patria:** Okay, then...

**wineb4beer:** well obviously if you've got better things to do..

**4patria:** Oh, no, I mean...

**4patria:** You know what I mean, R, stop messing with me.

**wineb4beer:** You don't sound sure though...

**4patria:** Don't be silly, you know I enjoy our... time together.

**wineb4beer:** you can say it enjolras, there's no one monitoring you here...

**4patria:** I know I can..

**4patria:** It's just odd.

**wineb4beer:** whats odd about saying you can't wait for your boyfriend to fuck you?

**4patria:** Just that... I don't know. It's... I don't know.

**wineb4beer:** is it too /hard/ for you?

**4patria:** I guess? I don't know how to explain it.

**4patria:** Was that an innuendo?

**wineb4beer:** maybe you need to practise, try and get a better hold. it'll come a lot easier if the grip is better.

**wineb4beer:** ENJOLRAS SERIOUSLY

**4patria:** What exactly are you proposing?

**4patria:** What??

**wineb4beer:** you're so bad at this

**wineb4beer:** let me try again

**wineb4beer:** what are you wearing?

**4patria:** A t-shirt?

**wineb4beer:** is that all?

**4patria:** No, I've got pants on.. and socks. What're you on about?

**wineb4beer:** is it hot in your room?

**wineb4beer:** maybe you should take your pants off

**4patria:** No? It's freezing... why would I do that?

**wineb4beer:** I know a way you could warm up

**4patria:** Wrap up in a blanket?

**wineb4beer:** I give up

**wineb4beer:** you're hopeless

**4patria:** What, why? What did I do?

**wineb4beer:** it doesn't matter love, I'm just messing about

**4patria:** Messing about with what?

**4patria:** Oh, wait.

**4patria:** WAIT.

**4patria:** Oh....

**wineb4beer:** ...

**4patria:** I get it now.

**4patria:** Okay.

**wineb4beer:** oh love

**4patria:** Uh..

**wineb4beer:** I haven't shocked you too much have I?

**wineb4beer:** Enj?

**4patria:** No, no... I..

**4patria:** I just... oh.

**wineb4beer:** what are you thinking about?

**4patria:** Well, /that/, now..

**wineb4beer:** what is "that" I'm confused

**wineb4beer:** you need to be more explicit Enjolras

**wineb4beer:** spell it out for me

**4patria:** You know... that.

**4patria:** I can't.

**wineb4beer:** are you thinking about having sex with me?

**wineb4beer:** like you haven't for two months?

**4patria:** Maybe?

**wineb4beer:** if you're not then we can always talk about Marius' wedding or something

**4patria:** No, I- am. I'd rather not talk about Marius' wedding right now. I've heard enough about it from him.

**wineb4beer:** do you want to talk it then? what we'll do when you come home?

**4patria:** I- I don't know... what I want to talk about...

**wineb4beer:** I don't want to push you if it makes you uncomfortable

**4patria:** No, it doesn't..

**4patria:** I just don't know... how.

**wineb4beer:** it's okay enjolras, just write what you're feeling

**wineb4beer:** what you're thinking about

**wineb4beer:** what you need

**4patria:** You. For both.

**wineb4beer:** I need you too love

**wineb4beer:** I can't wait to be able to touch you again

**wineb4beer:** I just need to be close to you again

**4patria:** I concur. This sucks.

**wineb4beer:** not long now love

**wineb4beer:** just one more week

**4patria:** Long enough.

**wineb4beer:** I know love, but it'll go quick

**wineb4beer:** I promise

**wineb4beer:** these two months havent been too bad

**wineb4beer:** kinda

**wineb4beer:** sorta

**4patria:** Even I know that's a lie.

**wineb4beer:** well done enjolras, you've finally gotten to grips with sarcasm via the internet

**4patria:** Thank you?

**wineb4beer:** I'm very proud

**4patria:** Of....?

**wineb4beer:** how far you've come

**wineb4beer:** the stick isn't permanently in your ass

**wineb4beer:** -only sometimes

**4patria:** I don't have a stick in my--

**wineb4beer:** you will soon [wink]

**4patria:** .. oh my god.

**wineb4beer:** THATS WHAT YOU'LL BE SHOUTING

**4patria:** Grantaire!!

**wineb4beer:** that was bad even for me

**4patria:** I don't know, you say a lot of things that are that bad.

**wineb4beer:** I'm just a very bad boy, I can't help myself

**4patria:** R...

**wineb4beer:** yes?

**4patria:** You're

**4patria:** and I

**wineb4beer:** you're what Enjolras?

**4patria:** I'm **wineb4beer:** are you enjoying my technological seduction?

**4patria:** Enjoying may not be the right word for it.

**wineb4beer:** what is the right word? is "getting turned on by" a better turn of phrase?

**4patria:** ...

**4patria:** maybe.

**4patria:** Alright?

**4patria:** THERE

**4patria:** I said it.

**4patria:** Fine.

**wineb4beer:** oh love you remember what to do with an erection don't you? it hasn't been that long has it?

**4patria:** dlfkjhgsdfjslg

**wineb4beer:** was that a KEYSMASH? oh dear you are far gone.

**4patria:** Shut up.

**4patria:** SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

**wineb4beer:** make me

**4patria:** We're not doing this right now. Nope, nope, nope.

**wineb4beer:** why not? do you have someone over?

**wineb4beer:** or somewhere to be?

**4patria:** No...

**wineb4beer:** then why can't we do it now?

**wineb4beer:** you usually love "it"

**4patria:** I'M NOT

**4patria:** I'm not saying I don't

**4patria:** But you're not here so like

**4patria:** dsfkjghfkj

**wineb4beer:** haven't you ever heard of sexting?

**4patria:** Yes... but I didn't think anyone actually did it...

**wineb4beer:** of course they do it, otherwise it wouldn't be a thing

**4patria:** I thought it was like... urban legend, or something.

**wineb4beer:** no no regular people do it all the time

**wineb4beer:** it's fun

**4patria:** Wait... do /you/ do it all the time?

**wineb4beer:** not since I've been with you /obviously/

**4patria:** Oh, well, right. But you know what I mean- did you used to?

**wineb4beer:** yeah I did

**4patria:** Oh. Well, was it... nice?

**wineb4beer:** nice wouldn't be the first word that comes to mind, rather .... intense?

**4patria:** Oh. Huh.

**4patria:** Well, how do you, uh... do it?

**wineb4beer:** I've been /trying/ to do it for the last 15 minutes you idiot

**4patria:** ...

**4patria:** That's what that was?

**wineb4beer:** no I just tried to give you a boner for the fun of it

**4patria:** I do no-- it's not funny!

**wineb4beer:** for the record, if you actually responded in kind, I would be in a similar situation

**4patria:** So, you don't.......

**4patria:** Well, this is awfully one-sided.

**wineb4beer:** I wouldn't know what that feels like. at all.

**4patria:** Not what I meant.

**wineb4beer:** whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat are you wearinggggggg

**4patria:** A shirt. Still. But I can, um, take it off?

**wineb4beer:** good, thats good

**4patria:** Okay.. now what?

**wineb4beer:** well if it helps you, I'm in our bed

**wineb4beer:** not wearing anything

**4patria:** Yeah, that, uh- that definitely helps.

**wineb4beer:** can you picture it?

**4patria:** Uh-huh...

**wineb4beer:** and what ... reaction does that get?

**wineb4beer:** thinking about me naked, all alone, spread out on our big bed

**4patria:** You... you know.

**4patria:** I-

**4patria:** Jesus...

**4patria:** I have to go take care of this.

**4patria:** Love you.

_[4patria is now offline]_

**wineb4beer:** enjolras?

**wineb4beer:** take care of what?

**wineb4beer:** ooooooooooh

**wineb4beer:** have fun with that ;)

_[wineb4beer is now offline]_


	19. Countdown

_March 2 nd 2013_

**_To:_**  marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk

 ** _From:_**  j.grantaire@gmail.com

 ** _Subject:_**  RE: Regarding the relations of the most human nature

Do you know what month it is? Do you? DO YOU? I am seriously hoping you do because I will look like a fool otherwise. Of course you know what month it is, and it’s only six more days till it happens love. That’s less than a week. Can you tell I’m excited?

I know I’ve been making you flustered lately, and I am sorry because I understand how hard it is for you to properly express yourself sometimes. It is a horrible thing, but I do get some amusement out of making you squirm and picturing you in your flat or at work blushing like mad. But what can I do, I’m a bastard sometimes and that is never going to change. I promise I will make it up to you though when you come home. I’ll make it up to you all night, and hopefully sometime into the morning. I’d make it up to you in the airport if it wouldn’t get us arrested.

Enjolras it may seem like I just have sex on the brain constantly, but in all fairness it’s only about 90% of the time. I have a lot more that I want to do than just fuck when I see you again, I would be quite content just to sit curled up with you all day on that ridiculously comfy sofa you just had to buy. We could just sit there, wrapped up in each other watching marathons of shitty TV programmes and eating Chinese. Anything where I get to be in your company, close enough to touch and close enough to smell is good enough for me. We can even watch V for Vendetta if you want.

I really need to see you again love, it feels so weird. It’s like these two months have flown by, but at the same time it’s like the passing days have stretched out endlessly. I don’t know how I’m going to last when you leave again, I can only be thankful that I can come up to London for a couple of days soon. Do you get much holiday time at work? I know you’re planning on coming home for the wedding but I was thinking that maybe you could come back for a week in July, so we can all celebrate your birthday together. I know Courfeyrac would love to plan you a coming home/birthday/leaving again party. It’s not exactly an exotic holiday, just coming back to France, but I’d rather spend the week with you and our friends than fucking off to Cuba or something.

Cosette and Marius’ wedding plans are coming on well. Courfeyrac is best man, and Combeferre and Joly are groomsmen. Cosette insisted on having Jehan as one her bridesmaids along with Musichetta and of course Eponine is going to be maid of honour. We’ve talked more about the photo stuff and I’m actually really enjoying it, it’s been a while since I’ve done professional photography and it’s a nice thing to come back to after this long. You’ll be able to look at what Marius and Cosette have been up to because his blog is up and running and he updates it _every single fucking day_ with very detailed descriptions of how the planning is going.

Additionally, the poetry is coming along splendidly; I’ll wait until I’ve perfected it to Homeric standards before showing you it. I might even enlist Jehan’s help with my masterpiece, he’s coming over tonight for my weekly cookery lessons (I can now make coq au vin fuck yeah) and I’m sure he’ll be more than willing to lend his assistance to my poetry skills and well as my culinary ones.

I know I’ve gone on and on about it in this email, but you don’t understand how excited I am to see you. I am practically bouncing up and down in my seat because of excitement. Me. _Bouncing_. That’s how bad it’s gotten. I hope no one in the office will miss you too much because I might kidnap you and keep you here with me. The girls will just have to suck it up because you are mine. (I still get a stupid thrill out of saying that).

Until we meet again,

R x

PS – How does a Jewish guy make his tea? _Hebrews_ it. 


	20. So Close, and Still So Far

_March 5 th 2013_

**_To:_** j.grantaire@gmail.com

**_From:_** marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk

**_Subject:_** RE:Re: Regarding the relations of the most human nature

Of course I know what month it is, you ridiculous man. And, if my calculations are correct- as they usually are- we have three days left until we are together again. I am quite excited, I must say. I think my coworkers have noticed, as well, because I haven't stopped smiling since the first and I'm afraid it's quite an uncommon occurence for me... for the most part, at least.

It's fine, Grantaire, I've learned to expect nothing less. While I will admit that it can sometimes get a bit... annoying, for lack of a better term, there are other times where I may enjoy it in the slightest bit. While I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about the other night, it's kind of reassuring to know that my... feelings for you have not dwindled for you since my departure. You've always been a sadistic bastard, so, frankly, this isn't entirely news to me. I knew what I was getting into when we decided to be together. Perhaps I wasn't aware of the extent you would have over me- you affect me much more that I would like to admit- but I suppose there isn't much I can do about that. It may have gotten worse now that we're apart, but who knows? After the other night, however, I'm quite sure that I look forward to however you decide to make it up to me.

I know you're not entirely preoccupied with sex, but I also know that sex to you is very different than sex to me- and that's fine. It was never of any importance to me until we were together.. and not in the sense of "sex doesn't mean anything, so I can do it with anyone" obviously; rather, it was simply a miscellaneous thought I chose not to focus on. Your brain and mine, as we know, function very differently, and that's okay. I'm not going to say I never think about it, because I do. That is certainly something you have changed about me. The difference is is my thoughts are certainly more infrequent... and more restrained. I always thought relationships- what little I thought of them before I was in one- should be more than sex, which is why I always believed I preferred doing just that- sitting around and eating Chinese food- to intercourse, but I understand now that it's a much deeper connection (no pun intended).

Trust me, R, I know how you feel. Be thankful, at least, that you're surrounded by friends and people that love you nearly as much as I do. I don't mean to sound spiteful, especially not because I chose this, but I am jelous of the fact that you've still got... people. I'm alone here and, despite the fact that I've made a few friends, it's not like the support system you've got. That is certainly somethig I wish I had; I feel it would be much easier to do this were I amongst friends. I can try and come home for my birthday, but I'm not sure. An entire week off is a lot, and I would have to use vacation days instead of sick days. I'm not entirely opposed, though. I think it'll have to depend on what is going on at the time. We'll see, though. And, I'm sure you will be fine once I leave again, especially because we'll be together soon after. Three month intervals is a tough span of time to hurdle over- a month or so shouldn't be nearly as bad.

Yes, I'm entirely aware that the blog is set up. Marius emailed me the link the minute it was online and has been hastily reminding me of its updates as often as he can (which, as you know, is quite often). I'm not at all surprised Courfeyrac was the best man- it makes sense, given how close they are. Marius emailed me and told me not to be offended, and I was genuinely confused as to why I would be, considering that he and I have always clashed in many regards. Of course I consider him a friend, but I would never expect to be a candidate for Best Man. I don't like the idea of choosing a certain group of people to be of that ranking, anyway, as it establishes a mock sense of who is more important when, in reality, the only people that should be important are the couple. That's just me, though. I'm glad you're really getting into the photography thing, though. It's a very nice thing you're doing for them.

Can we do a night in where you cook for me, then? As much as I would love to have Chinese food, I'm quite sure it's all I've been eating since I got here. You know I can't cook, and I can't stand pub food, so I've been ordering Take Out non-stop for three months. I could really, really do with a homecooked meal. I'm sure your poetry is wonderful, though, just as so many other things you do are. I look forward to reading it.

And I've been smiling, so I suppose we're both on the same page. I can't wait to see you again, Grantaire; these next three days cannot pass soon enough. Speaking of seeing you, am I actually going to be able to see your face, or will your ridiculous mane have grown over it completely by then? (This is in jest, of course, but you know how I feel about you getting a haircut.) As much as I would love for you to kidnap me, I would quite like to keep this job.

Yours a thousand times over,

-E. x

PS: You do know that not all Jewish people speak Hebrew, right?


	21. Penultimate

March 7th

**_To:_**  marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk

**_From:_**  j.grantaire@gmail.com

**_Subject:_**  Concerning the very, very important meeting

Okay baby, this one isn’t going to be super long because I’m seeing you tomorrow (I can’t believe I’m actually saying that now, I can actually say I’m seeing my boyfriend TOMORROW) and I have got  to get a couple of things ready before tomorrow.

Hopefully I should be able to get a decent night sleep tonight, as I have to get up at a stupid hour just to get your skinny arse from the airport. Good job I love you, cause you definitely wouldn’t see me getting out of our lovely bed for much. I even went to the patisserie earlier, and I’ve got a few of your favourite pastries. I’ll bring them with me to the airport and we can eat them once we’re back in the car because I’m sure you’ll feel crappy and grumpy and sugary deserts are the best thing to perk you up. God knows you can be a cranky asshole when you want to be, primarily when you’re sleep deprived and hungry. For all your spouting about a new world and righteous fury, sometimes you are just like a puppy.

Everyone is nearly as excited as I am, and that’s saying a lot believe me. Feuilly has even managed to get the day off work tomorrow, so he can be there when we go see everyone. I think the plan is to meet at the Musain in the evening, I’m not a 100% sure what time yet but someone will update one of us at least. It’ll be nice to have the whole group together, we rarely do lately. I mean I see everyone regularly, but ever since we decided to grow up and actually get jobs it’s hard to get everyone in the same place at the same time. You should feel very lucky that you’re special enough to warrant a proper gathering. I’ll want to spend as much time with you as possible, but I won’t keep you from everyone else. Even I am not that selfish.

I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for you to be on your own over there. I guess the thing that’s getting you through is the knowledge that there is the best place for you right now, and it’s where you can get the most good done. You may give the impression of someone who isn’t a very social problem but any idiot can see how important your friends are to you, you thrive off their love, company and affection; I never used to think I’d rank as one of the important people in your life but here I am. We’ll all see you very soon and I can assure you even though you’re only here for two days everyone is going to endeavour to make it the best two days ever.

Only you would see something wrong in age old wedding traditions. I don’t believe it’s about a ranking of power and importance, rather it’s about having the person you feel closest to right next to you as you go through one of the most important moments of your life. I mean I don’t have the same need to marry as everyone else, you don’t need a piece of paper to define your relationship; but I can see the romantic appeal, as well the statement it makes politically of course. Enough about marriage though, I’m getting rather sick of the whole topic thank to Marius.

I promise to cook for you when you’re home, I can’t have my man suffering while he’s supposed to be relaxing and enjoying home comforts.

Until tomorrow love,

R x

PS – Enjolras it’s a joke, it’s not meant to be entirely accurate. I am aware that not all Jewish people speak Hebrew.


	22. A Letter Left Atop a Lover's Pillow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this, make sure to check out a narrative of what happened over Enjolras' weekend home! It can be found right here ([x](http://archiveofourown.org/works/999713)). Hope you all enjoy! xx


	23. Aftermath

March 11th

**_To:_**  marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk

**_From:_**  j.grantaire@gmail.com

**_Subject:_**  Debrief time, regarding the recent meeting

Hello love,

I found the note. I’ve put it in the box with all of your other letters. I don’t think I showed you the box when you were here but I’ve been putting things in it that remind me of you, and of us. It’s so I can look at it when I’m missing you the most, and when you’re back home where you belong we can look in the box and look back on when all of this was a horrible dream. You’ve only just left and already I can’t wait till the day you come back. I’m selfish, I know, I just cannot wait for another job to pop up back in France because I need you love, I forgot how much.

Everyone had a great time at the impromptu party, and Courfeyrac is suitably repentant about his speech although I personally found it beautiful. It’s a little hard to see everyone missing you, but then being able to go back to their partners and being happy despite everything. Jehan and Courf are wrapped up in each other; Bossuet, Joly and Musichetta are as sickeningly domestic as usual and of course the Pontmercy’s are up to their usual tricks. Bahorel and Feuilly have their girlfriends, and even though they never bring them to any of our gatherings, I’m sure that’s down to us being fucking weirdos rather than said girlfriends being imaginary. Even Combeferre has someone. Did he tell you that he _finally_ asked out Eponine after the party? He probably did of course; he is your best friend. Honestly I’m surprised it took him this long. Eponine he knew wanted to which isn’t surprising. She wanted him to ask her out though, instead of her asking him, because she said she wanted to be sure he was ready. Hopefully things will work out for them too. Although with our friends there will undoubtedly be some kind of rollercoaster court ship before they reach an actual mature relationship.

I’m happy for everyone, I really am. It just … it hurts. You’ve left, but everyone else still has someone to go home with and someone to cook for and someone to sleep next to. I’m on my own though. It’s like _before_ but worse. You’ve been here so recently that I can still smell you in the sheets and it’s so easy to remember your touch and the way you fit next to me so perfectly. It’s so easy to picture the way your hair gets all messy in the morning, even with this fancy new haircut. I don’t know if I mentioned it to you or not but I really, really like it. It suits you. You look so grown up and professional. I kind of feel like I’m still stuck in my uni phase when I see you with that haircut and your suits. I’m counting down the days already till I come up and see you, it can’t come soon enough as far as I’m concerned and to be fair I am not even sure if I’ll want to leave afterwards. God Enjolras, it aches. It’s not fair. It’s not. Why couldn’t the job be here? I finally get you in my life, and then you leave.

I don’t know why I’m rambling like this to you, you’ve only been gone a day and I am very aware of how pathetic I sound. I’ve probably drank a little bit too much, but what’s new. I know you need to get on with things; the whole office has probably fallen apart in your absence. No rush to get back to me, y’know if you’ve got lots of work to do. Saving the world is heavy work, I remember.

I love you. 


	24. So, here I am, hoping you'll come home to me again.

_March 12 th 2013_

**_To:_** j.grantaire@gmail.com

**_From:_** marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk

**_Subject:_** RE: Debrief time, regarding the recent meeting 

I don't believe that I've seen the box- I would have liked to. I've been saving all your letters, as well, but they're in one of my filing cabinets at work so I can look over them every so often. Yes, I reread your letters instead of actually doing work sometimes. I can already hear your ridiculously snarky comment, but I'm choosing to ignore it; frankly, I try to only read one of them when I need a release or when I'm missing you quite terribly.

I read all of them this morning.

It's not easy to maintain your composure in the workplace while reading things like that, that much I can tell you. I needed to, though, because getting off that plane and returning to an empty apartment (I wouldn't dare call it home, you're not here) was truly the last thing I needed. When I got in bed, I realised how stiff the sheets felt, how they scratched against my skin like sandpaper, how they didn't feel slept in. And that isn't because I barely sleep, it's because you're not there next to me. Look, R, I know how hard it's been for you and I am so, so sorry. Honestly, it's just as hard for me- I just don't know how to show it. Although, perhaps I do... I nearly broke down on the plane, stared out the plane window at the airport, then the parking garage (I timed around when you'd get there), and I could have sworn I saw you car leaving it before I couldn't see anything at all.

Of course you found Courfeyrac's speech about getting laid beautiful. There was nothing poetic about it, though it is kind of making me look forward to his best man speech. How much of that curly hair of his do you think Cosette will rip out if he tries to pull something like that on her wedding night? I miss everyone already, as well; trust me. Even if I'm not there, though, you do have them Grantaire, and I know none of them would think you were imposing if you wanted to just... platonically hang out. Combeferre did tell me about Eponine, actually. He told me Saturday morning. I'd known he was intending on asking her out for a while and had been coordinating how he was going to do it via email for... I want to say nearly a month, at this point? I'm sure they'll be the most relatively normal out of the lot of us. As long as Eponine isn't expecting any sexual advances right away, they'll be fine.

Please, R, just remember that you're not alone in this. They all care about you and love you; they don't want to see you hurting. And I know you, R- you put on a stiff upper lip and pretend like everything is okay when it isn't. I may do that, too, but I don't feel things the way you do; things just don't seem to cut me as deeply. But that doesn't mean this is any easier for me. I can promise you that. As much as I would love to say that going back to an empty flat with no reminders of you helps me get my mind off of you, I would be lying. I would kill to have your scent in these sheets, because at least it would be something instead of a constant reminder that I left you and now I'm alone. I haven't even really got any friends to spend time with outside of work, so I just bring work home with me. That's the one good thing about being here; I can do my work into all hours of the night and not have your sleepy self complaining about the laptop light.

You're not stuck in your Uni phase. It's just that your career choices allow for more freedom and self-expression, whereas mine do not. I knew you'd eventually end up liking the haircut, but I think I'm starting to hate it. I only got it because my hair had to be shorter- tidier- for work, and now I'm thinking that I may grow it back out in protest... maybe I won't, though. Growing my hair out again isn't going to bring me home or turn back time to when we were together- it'll just remind me of all the days you begged me to braid it until I said yes, or the mornings I'd wake up and the first thing you'd do would be to push it out of my eyes... Metaphorically speaking, the haircut was truly my transition from where my "home" was (I use the term loosely): cutting my hair was me making a conscious commitment to this job and shedding what little I had left of home. It sounds ridiculous- it's just hair- but... I don't know, it makes sense to me.

Do you have a date picked out for when you're visiting yet? If not, let me know when you do so I can make sure no one from work bothers me and I can show you about London. I think you'll really like it here. And, if you don't want to leave... I don't know. I wish I could say that I would stop you from going home, but you have responsibilities there, your life is there, and even though mine is, too, I'm tied here for now. Grantaire, you know I wish the job was back in Paris. But it isn't and there's nothing we can do about it for the time being. I will come home to you one day, though. I promise. You don't sound pathetic, Julien, honestly, just please don't drink to much. That's all I'm asking of you. The office was just fine without me- I wasn't gone long enough for things to fall to total anarchy. Saving the world may be heavy, but it's not as heavy as knowing that I'm breaking your heart.

-E x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter inspired by Scott Alan's "Again," which is sung by none other than a Mr. Hadley Fraser. That's right, 25th Anniversary Grantaire himself. [gross sobbing] If you haven't heard the song yet, check it out here ([x](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUjIhO2fqTE)). It's not entirely relevant to the fic, but it's an amazing song that gives just about anyone the feels... and we all know how much I like shoving feels down everyone's throat. Love y'all!
> 
>  
> 
> moritz xx


	25. You Shine Like Truth In All You Do

_March 14 th 2013_

**_To:_**  marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk

**_From:_**  j.grantaire@gmail.com

**_Subject:_**  RE:Re: Debrief time, regarding the recent meeting

Marcelin,

All of this is so hard for me to explain; now I know how you feel I guess. It’s even harder when I’m talking to people that aren’t you, and that’s why it’s so difficult for me to reach out to any of our friends. Logically I know that any of them would be there for me if I asked, but part of me still thinks I will be interrupting something important, and most things are more important than me right now. After all who needs to hear me whine about missing my boyfriend for hours on end, I’m not the only one who misses you and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop me missing you, is there? I’m just in a bit of a rut I think. It’s because you’ve been here and then gone again so quickly but I’m still here. I don’t even have any commissions at the minute to focus on.

I promise I will try and keep up with everyone and not lock myself away. It is kind of tearing me in two at the minute, the logical part of my brain pulling me in one direction and then this stupid fucking irrational part tells me not to bother. Jehan has invited me over tomorrow, but I think that’s only because Courfeyrac is visiting his parents and he’s on his own. It’s still something though, I guess.

I promise I’m not drinking that much. It’s nothing to worry about.

On the brighter side, I think things are going okay for Combeferre and Eponine. I’m aware you probably are aware they went out for lunch yesterday. No doubt you just heard Combeferre's version which is the one where he told you he was a nervous wreck and most likely fucked it all up and bored her to death. However, as Eponine's close personal friend, she called me straight after in a dreamy state (as dreamy as Eponine can get). Tell him to have no fear, Eponine is planning to call him later today and it looks like there shall be another date. You see what you have reduced me to Enjolras? I am starved for romantic action so I have to live through Combeferre. _Combeferre._

How is work? Did anyone ask where you had been or about your mysterious illness that caused such a workaholic to miss an afternoon? Oh you don’t understand what fun I have imagining you at work. Presently, I have you at a throne like computer chair, and assistants and interns running away from you and cowering. Then I can see you sniggering at the computer like a little child, and also now thanks to your last email I can see you tearing up. All of this happens when your assistant isn’t looking, because the mighty Enjolras cannot let the little slaves see him showing any kind of emotion or weakness.  You’ll have to show me the office when I come up, because you may sound surprised but I am actually curious about where you are spending most of your time now.

Speaking of London, I think I’m going to book a flight for April 12th if that’s okay? I know you’ll be working Thursday and Friday, but I’m sure I’ll be able to entertain myself and I really want to check out some of the galleries. Art isn’t a major passion for you, I’m aware, so it’ll be nice to have a look round with you trailing behind and trying not to complain. Then when you eventually drag yourself back from work I can cook you something delicious and it will all be terribly domestic. We might even make your flat feel a bit homely.

It still won’t be home; but even our flat doesn’t feel quite like home any more. Nowhere is right when you aren’t there next to me.

Until I see you again,

R x


	26. The Way the Beach is Kissed by the Sea

_March 15 th 2013_

**_To:_** j.grantaire@gmail.com

**_From:_** marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk

**_Subject:_** RE:Re:RE Debrief time, regarding the recent meeting 

Julien,

I suppose you're right about all of that. I wish there was something more I could say, something more I could do, but I'm afraid there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry for that. The distance isn't really helping me in the good boyfriend department- not that I was great there, to begin with. You know the boys wouldn't mind, though. It's just that, well, none of them have been going through what we have, so they don't quite understand it. It's not a very good explanation, I know, but... it's the best I can give you. I don't want you to be moping, Julien; I know it's hard, but I'm trying my best not to dwell on it too much, either. It's hard, it truly is. Trust me, I may give off the impression that it's not as difficult for me as it is for you, though I'm sure you know it's not the case. You don't have to have a job to be working on anything in order to paint, R, or distract yourself. I've got work, and anything's better than nothing.

Don't doubt Jehan, R. I don't think he'd invite you over purely because Courfeyrac's not home. Honestly, I'm sure it's more of him acknowledging how hard these past few days have been for you, since I've just left again and Courfreyrac not being present is just a coincidence. I know you went the weekend without drinking for my sake, Grantaire, but now that I'm gone... I can only have Combeferre monitor you so much, and I want to trust you, but I know you, Julien, and I can't help but worry. You should know me better than to think I don't worry about you in every regard, yet especially so when it comes to matters of alcohol. I know you turn to the bottle when you're upset or... in a rut, as you've said you're in. You turn to it for nearly anything. Things were getting better after we started dating, but now that I'm gone again I can't help but be concerned.

Truth be told, I've never received a more... disconcerting letter from Combeferre. It was hardly readable, which is... unusual for him. If I'm not mistaken, he actually went to the restroom halfway through their date to email me asking me for help (why he would ask me, I haven't the slightest). I got that bit first, but I was in a meeting at the time and couldn't reply. A few hours later, I received a second email updating me on exactly what had happened, as well as a veiled "thanks for replying, (insert expletive here)." He did tell me it had gone quite horribly, told me he could barely eat the entire time. I'm glad to hear it went well, though, and that they'll be going out again. I know he really does fancy her quite a bit. Oh, hush. Combeferre is more romantic now than I was when we started dating. Cut him some slack.

They did ask where I had gone, yes, and I told them I had gone home for the weekend. My chair is hardly a throne, though it does have wheels on it (if that counts for anything). No one cowers, either, I'd actually like to think I'm quite a nice boss. Of course, I've got a no B.S. policy, but that doesn't mean I'm not kind about it. If there's anything I've learned from you lot, it's that honey catches more flies than vinegar- sometimes. I try to guide them with a gentle, yet firm hand... ~~Don't make a sex joke about that.~~ They're not my slaves, Grantaire, that's hardly the case. They're coworkers, and my position as Head of the Department doesn't make me their superior. Their jobs are just as important as mine, and what they contribute is, as well. A titlte is just a title, it's what they do that truly matters.

I could show you my office, though there isn't much to see. It looks just like any other office does... I do have a nice view, though. April 12th sounds wonderful, and it's already less than a month away, which makes it even more appealing. There are some amazing museums here; you should definitely go to the National Gallery, I've heard it's lovely. A few days on your own in London would probably do you well. Maybe we'll even go see a show on Friday night. The theatre scene here is much better than the one back home (don't tell Jehan I said that). Shopping for some things for the flat sounds nice, though I'm not entirely sure I'd want to... I think it makes living here a lot more permanent, if that makes sense. I'm not even going to comment on the idea of how terribly domestic things will be, because you know how I feel about the idea of domesticity.

Soon, but not soon enough. I love you.

Marcelin Enjolras  
 _Head of Human Services Department_


	27. The Bitch of Living

_March 16 th 2013_

**_To:_**  marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk

**_From:_**  j.grantaire@gmail.com

**_Subject:_**  The various positions involved with the department of human relations

For once it would seem I am the one saying this rather than you, but you shouldn’t think too negatively on the way you are. Enjolras you aren’t the most romantic person, not in the typical way at least, but you try and that’s the main thing. I honestly appreciate every effort and sometime it’s hard for me, especially when we have this distance, not being able to see all of your emotions. For a closed off person, you are actually very expressive with your body language. I don’t think you’re actually aware of it though, so don’t try and change anything in the way you act now love.

I’m trying not to dwell, honestly I am trying. It might not seem like it, or whatever Combeferre has apparently been telling you, but I _am_ trying. I don’t want you to think that I’m sitting here at home being lazy and not putting in any effort but I really fucking am. It is so much effort to keep getting up at a reasonable hour and cooking meals when I have no one to wake up next to and no immediate work. But I’m starting to plan part of your birthday present and the portrait I’m going to do as a wedding present for Marius and Cosette. So there’s that at least.

I’m honestly not drinking that much, no more than a normal person, despite what Combeferre may think. I can send you a detailed list of all my alcohol consumption if you really want but maybe even you won’t be that pedantic.

Combeferre was very nervous according to Eponine, but she found it sweet. Although she was quite concerned about the length of time he spent in the bathroom. She’ll be happy to know that there is a logical explanation for it and he wasn’t doing coke or having tummy troubles or something like that. Although I have to agree, I have no idea why he thought you would be the best choice for advice. For a man who prides himself on logic, Combeferre really slipped up on that one. I was actually at the Musain yesterday when Eponine called him, I must say it was kind of hilarious to see him blushing and stuttering when she asked him out again. I’m getting too excited by the whole relationship. It’s actually quite sad.

I can’t wait to come to London. It’s actually really exciting because I’ve always wanted to go but I’ve never managed to get round to it. Of course I want to see you, don’t frown at the computer. I’m just excited because I’ve rarely had means to travel and it’s going to be nice to see some sights. Do you have any idea about what show you want to see? Of course I’m going to go to the National Gallery, do you really think I’d pass up the opportunity to miss some of the best and most famous works of art in the world? ENJOLRAS THEY HAVE BOTTICELLI AND TITAN AND MICHELANGELO AND DA VINCI AND DOMENICHINO AND VAN GOGH AND ROUSSEAU DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS. (I’m sorry they just have a lot of awesome stuff, and there are only so many times I can go to the Louvre before I have all the exhibits imprinted on my brain).

Can I add Enjolras, that a chair with wheels is pretty exciting for you.

LONDON BABY.

R x

PS- I can definitely give you a firm hand when I next see you.

PPS- You knew what you were walking into when you wrote that, you have no one to blame but yourself.


	28. Too Little, Too Late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya, guys! So sorry that it's been so long since we've updated. It's totally my fault, but my muse has been annoyingly absent as of late (hence the short message). Things should be up and running again now, though! Thanks for sticking with us. Much love.
> 
> moritz xx

_March 22 nd 2013_

**_To:_** j.grantaire@gmail.com

**_From:_** marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk

**_Subject:_** Apologies About Lack of Recent Correspondence 

R,

I'm so, so sorry I haven't gotten back to you in so long. Work caught up to me once I got back and I completely lost track of time. It's no excuse, I know, but that's the only thing I've got as a reason for why it's been a week since we've last spoken. I haven't got enough words to express how sorry I am, and I'm quite sure you're absolutely livid with me at the moment, so I'm sure there's not much of a reason to try apologising at all. Just know that I am truly sorry. Honestly.

Work's been hectic, as I said. We had a new assignment come in and is due next week, despite the largeness of the project, so that's been keeping me really busy. Danny says he hasn't walked in the office once without seeing me here, that's including nights and lunch hours. It's just got to be done. I hope everything is well with you, that you've been getting some new work and all that. Tell the boys I miss them. I look forward to seeing you in a few weeks.

Marcelin Enjolras  
 _Head of Human Services Department_


	29. One Missed Note, One Missed Call, One Missed You

_[26.03.2013, 07:23 pm]_

_[wineb4beer is now online]_

_[4patria is now online]_

**4patria:** Hey.

**4patria:** Grantaire?

**4patria:** Julien, are you there?

**4patria:** Come on, R, I can see that you're online.

**4patria:** Please, talk to me.

_[wineb4beer is now offline]_

**4patria:** I'm sorry.

_[4patria is now offline]_


	30. Wanderlust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for the lovely comments especially those of you who took the time to write a lengthy paragraph - it is very much appreciated and really gives us the motivation to carry on with this fic and make it the best we can. Erika and I have both been in long distance relationships, and I'm hoping that we can bring some realism to our story, along with some tears and laughs.
> 
> Leah x

_27 th March 2013_

**_To:_ ** _marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk_

**_From:_ ** _j.grantaire@gmail.com_

**_Subject:_ ** _RE: Apologies About Lack of Recent Correspondence_

Enjolras,

I’m sorry I haven’t replied to you straight away. I’ve been trying to find the right way to respond to you without sounding like a complete inconsiderate bastard. Although I know this is no excuse, I should not have left you hanging, but what can I say? I’m pathetic and I kind of wanted to keep you waiting.

Enjolras, I know you, and I know you very well so I completely understand and am aware of how much work takes over your life. As well as this, I am sympathetic to the stress and pressure you are under because of your position in the company, and you are never one to shirk your responsibility. What is confusing however is the fact that you haven’t had the time to send me a quick couple of lines every couple of days. I’m sure typing even _one_ sentence to let me know you were okay, and you were busy and you still fucking _love_ me was way too strenuous for you. I honestly thought you’d started to change your priorities slightly, I mean I’m in no way insinuating that you should give up everything just to check on me, but seriously Enjolras am I not even worth the five minutes it takes to write a tiny email? I actually thought I was worth some of your glorious attention.

I haven’t actually been sitting at my computer waiting for you to reply, if you would have replied to me sooner you would have been aware I’ve been offered some space in a gallery soon. I wasn’t even going to accept it, because it’s going to be an insanely tight deadline if I’m still coming over to you. However, Combeferre convinced me to accept to offer and I’ve been worked pretty much nonstop on that, so I can be done by time I come to London. I’ve still had time to check my emails though, and respond to clients and talk to my friends.

It must be something about having proper motivation I guess. I mean, obviously this super duper important project could not possibly be delayed for me. You’ve had time to have chats with _Danny_ it would seem, although I’m sure the brilliance of English revolutionaries is much more appealing than the depressing ramblings of a French drunk.

This is hard on both of us, this distance. I just need something more from you, I know I’ve always been the clingy one and I probably always will be, but you’ve got to give me something. Even if it’s just to tell me I’m not worth it. I wouldn’t even be surprised at this point… I just need to know. 


	31. Totally Fucked

_30 th March 2013_

**_To:_ ** _j.grantaire@gmail.com_

**_From:_ ** _marcelin.enjolras@hotmail.co.uk_

**_Subject:_ ** _RE:re: Apologies About Lack of Recent Correspondence_

I was going to apologise for taking my time in returning your email, but then I realised that your obvious passive-aggressive tone has left me wanting to do everything but.

You know what, though? I will apologise to you. I will apologise for the fact that I didn't think a quick "Hey, I love you" email would suffice. Not that I didn't think it was important, but I thought it went without saying. Clearly, though, I was wrong about that. The fact that you would think my not contacting you for _whatever_ reason over the course of a week had you thinking that I didn't care any more or - even better - that I was _cheating_ on you is absolutely rich. And before you go and say that isn't what you meant, it's clear that you were insinuating that I had made Danny, my assistant, for Christ's sake, of higher importance in my life than you. Which, by the way, is complete and utter bullshit.

But I guess you don't believe that. No, you always have to have some constant validation that I'm in love with you as if the past few years of my life, of OUR lives, have meant nothing. Do you really think I would drop you flat? Do you have any idea how insulting that is to me? I chose to be with you, I chose to stay with you even though I moved to a different country, and you're worried about some kid who I've got bringing me coffee when I work late? Honestly, I can't believe you would reduce me to such a ridiculous stereotype. I thought you knew me better than that, but clearly, I was wrong about that, too. If you knew me better than most like you claim you'd do, you'd remember all the times I would go a week without talking to anyone and I was just down the block.

It's no secret that I'm not good at communicating with people, Grantaire, but this? To revert back to that "I'm not good enough" state, that... _pity party_ just because I took a while to get back to you via email? The first thing I did was say I was sorry. Whether or not it was heartfelt enough for your standards (again, bullshit) is, frankly, not my problem. I could have just waited for your next email, asking me if I was okay- which I did consider doing for a while because, hey, if you cared so much you would send another message just to check on me- but decided against it. I even tried instant messaging you the next day and you ignored me.

You didn't not have time to read it, you didn't forget to reply to an email. You saw it, and you logged off.

Honestly, I don't even know what to say at this point. I'm still in utter disbelief that you would think for a second that something was going on with Danny because, wow, you really couldn't be further off. I know you were always wary of him, but I made it clear to you more than once that he was hardly anything more than an acquaintance; we went out once, I had a miserable time, and that was it. So to think something has changed from then to now is absolutely ridiculous. Really, Grantaire, I don't know what you want from me. I said I was sorry. We knew this wasn't going to be easy but, damn it, that doesn't mean it isn't going to be worth it. We _are_ worth it. At least, I thought we were. You don't seem too sure anymore.

Hope the whole gallery thing works out well for you.

Marcelin Enjolras  
 _Head of Human Services Department_


	32. A Better Half

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm slipping."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god, I am so so sorry for the wait. This chapter has been so hard for me to write, so in addition to all the other stuff I've been busy with it has been difficult to get this finished. I hope you enjoy it and fingers crossed that it is worth the wait.
> 
> There may be some mistakes, and loss of fluency but occasionally that is purposeful. I'm just trying get across Grantaire's current state of mind.

3rd April 2013

Dear Enjolras,

I thought I’d do this in a letter, because I think right now what we need is closeness and an understanding I think is lost through email. I wanted this to be personal, full of my mistakes and my errors rather that the edited ideal of the typed equivalent.

I don’t want this to spiral any further than it already has. I’ve made enough fucking mistakes in my life; I have pushed away so many people and ruined so many chances. I’m not letting you, the best thing in my life slip away just because of the fucking English Channel and my inability to see the best in a situation. Passive aggressiveness is my go to thing as is cynicism; you know this – although I am aware this doesn’t make the situation any better. In fact it probably makes it worse, I know my last email wasn’t exactly the best thing, and if I’m aware I’m a shit then I’m probably even more in the wrong. But alas, I once again am rambling.

~~Just forgive me, don’t leave just~~

But God Enjolras you know me. You knew this when we got together, you knew this years before you even entertained the thought of me romantically. I am not good. I am broken, my mind isn’t like yours. I can’t just think of the logical path and reason things out. As much as I would absolutely adore to be like you, to be able sift through all this _shit_ I just can’t. I see you aren’t trying to contact me and so I immediately think you don’t want to be bothered, if you did want to be bothered then I would hear from you. This doesn’t excuse anything I’ve said or the way I’ve acted; this doesn’t justify my irrational actions. ~~I just want you to understand.~~

~~I need you Enjolras its so hard here without you I’m slipping~~. I don’t think badly of our relationship as you seem to believe or of you for that matter. It’s just so hard without you, I’m trying to keep busy and Combeferre is always here when I need him but still … it’s not the same, he isn’t you. There’s no one like you, there has never been any one who has touched my life like you have and there never will be again. You may be a callous, cold twat at some times and I might be irrational and insensitive but I guess all that matters is I need you … and you need me?

I don’t like being a “pity party” I don’t want to be that person that needs constant validation. Unfortunately it is the way I am. God this is so hard to write, why is this so hard for me? This is all such a mess, why did I fuck up again? ~~Why do I bother trying~~ I just wish you could be here right now. I would kiss you on your dimple, on your collar bone on the end of your nose. I just want to tell you, scream at you, make you feel what I’m trying to understand. Everything is messed up here.

Combeferre said he will talk to you after you’ve got this letter, apparently there’s some stuff he wants to discuss but he won’t tell me exactly what but I know it’s something to do with us. I think. I might be paranoid but if it was something else he wouldn’t have said anything right? He probably just wants to know how you are, and how you’re dealing with me etc. but anyway, on the subject of Ferre. He’s been round every day, making sure I’m not fucking up even more – thought you’d like to be reassured I’m not lying in a pile of cans and vomit. The thing is he’s your best friend and radio silence hurt him too. None of knew if you were too busy to be bothered with us or not. We’ve lived through you in exam period. We all know what you are like when you find a project, or a cause. That single minded determination is hot as hell when I’m standing next to you sheltered in your shadow, but when I’m here far away, that passion burns. Its burns cold, sucking out the heat and the fire inside of me when I’m stuck here in the monotony of clients and friends who take me out just so I’m don’t fucking top myself.

I’m trying to find a way of apologising to you without taking all the blame, because something got screwed up here. I want to fix this, but we have to work together like we did before. We can still do this right?

Unless I hear from you with a negative, I’m still coming to London on the 12th. I still need you like I need air, you know that? I didn’t mean things to get so warped. If there’s anyone who can kick long distance trouble in the ass it’s you, there’s no one I know that is better at dealing with problems than you. You are sometimes to suborn for you own good, but I hope for my sake this time you don’t give up.

All my love, as ever,

Your Grantaire

xxx


	33. A Note Pressed into an Empty Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as Grantaire leaves Enjolras he places this note into his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after this one shot, please read first!  
> ( [x](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1158448) )  
> So sorry for the delay in updates, hopefully I will be back on track and won't leave it this long again :)

                                                       


	34. Theft is Hardly Romantic

_[16.04.2013, 08:43 am]_

_[wineb4beer is now online]_

_[4patria is now online]_

**wineb4beer:** good morning angel face

**4patria:** Morning, love. How was the flight home?

**wineb4beer:** it was okay I guess, it was a plane, I didn't die, I'd consider that a success

**wineb4beer:** probably

**4patria:** Well, that's good. Not dying is always a success, one would think.

**wineb4beer:** that's what I strive for, not dying

**wineb4beer:** anything more than that is a bonus

**wineb4beer:** (:

**4patria:** Not a bad goal to have, I'd say. Though accomplishments are nice. As is, of course, actually doing something with your life while you've got it. Not to be all boring and existential, or anything.

**wineb4beer:** wow Enj third message in and we're already on life goals and the meaning of life

**wineb4beer:** thats got to be a record even for you

**4patria:** I've not started on the meaning of life yet.

**4patria:** It's 42, by the way.

**wineb4beer:** pop culture reference? are you okay?

**wineb4beer:** have you been drinking?

**4patria:** Oh, please. I'm fine.

**4patria:** Just missing you a bit, I guess.

**wineb4beer:** I've only just left, I don't think you can be missing me enough to start watching sci fi yet

**4patria:** I think that's why I miss you so much, actually. Some kind of convoluted empty nest syndrome, perhaps.

**wineb4beer:** you've made an actual nest haven't you? I bet you're all curled up with the laptop under the covers

**4patria:** ...

**4patria:** No.

**4patria:** I'm not.

**wineb4beer:** fine. then I am totally not curled up in our bed with your jumper.

**4patria:** My.... my JUMPER? I thought you only took t-shirts...

**4patria:** Better not be my good one.

**wineb4beer:** it wasn't your favourite favourite one don't worry

**wineb4beer:** you would have noticed before I left

**4patria:** Yes, I would have. I'm still going to kill you, though.

**4patria:** I do actually need my own clothes to wear, you know.

**wineb4beer:** like you would seriously miss one jumper

**wineb4beer:** plus london has yknow

**wineb4beer:** shops

**4patria:** So does Paris! Buy your own clothes, stop nicking mine. I left most of my wardrobe back home with you when I left, anyway.

**wineb4beer:** yeah but

**wineb4beer:** they don't smell as much like you

**4patria:** I gave you my cologne!

**wineb4beer:** ... its not the same

**4patria:** Well... I do need my own clothes, love.

**wineb4beer:** I seriously think you're overreacting

**wineb4beer:** its one jumper

**4patria:** And two shirts... and the two shirts I sent you less than two months ago...

**wineb4beer:** you have two shirts of mine lets not forget that

**4patria:** Last I checked, two isn't more than four...

**wineb4beer:** contrary to popular belief my maths isn't actually that bad. all I meant was that I'm not the only one stealing shirts.

**4patria:** Two could be considered a fair trade. The rest is theft.

**wineb4beer:** stop being such a little bitch

**wineb4beer:** I WAS TRYING TO BE ROMANTIC

**4patria:** WHAT IS ROMANTIC ABOUT NICKING MY CLOTHING?

**4patria:** IT'S A GESTURE THAT SAYS I MISS YOU AND I WANT A PIECE OF YOU CLOSE TO ME

**4patria:** I miss you too, R, but you've already got a piece of me. A big one, though it may not be something you can physically hold in your hands, or wear, or anything like that.

**4patria:** God, I'm going to make myself vomit.

**wineb4beer:** i'm just gonna cut some of your beautiful hair off and keep it with me just to shut you up

**4patria:** You will do no such thing.

**4patria:** It's not even long enough right now to cut a lock of.

**4patria:** Even if it was, I'd kill you if you tried.

**wineb4beer:** I have my ways

**wineb4beer:** mysterious ways

**wineb4beer:** oooooooOOOooo

**4patria:** Sneaking up in the middle of the night, drunk, with scissors in your hand is not mysterious.

**4patria:** Yeah, Ferre told me about that.

**4patria:** You're not even quiet enough to sneak into a joint room without being noticed.

**4patria:** Idiot.

**wineb4beer:** anything is mysterious if you drink enough jaeger and wiggle your hands around a bit

**4patria:** Mysteriousness and drunkenness are definitely not the same thing, you prat.

**wineb4beer:** I think it's fucking mysterious you still sleep in matching pjs but I don't go around calling you names

**4patria:** How is that mysterious? It's not like I'm using them as some sort of costume, trapsing around London as a vigilante. Plenty of people sleep in pyjama sets...

**wineb4beer:** Dorky PJ Man - saving your life in a respectful, unfashionable and considerate manner

**4patria:** Bit too British for my tastes...

**wineb4beer:** eternally polite even if it kills em

**4patria:** And, they're NOT unfashionable.

**4patria:** The PJs. Or the British.

**4patria:** Polite, perhaps, but self-serving loyalists with an obsession for power was more along the lines of what I was thinking.

**wineb4beer:** yeah but

**wineb4beer:** they also made harry potter

**wineb4beer:** so theres something good there

**4patria:** ...

**4patria:** Fair enough.

**4patria:** Doesn't mean they're not bastardising the word "democracy" though.

**4patria:** I refuse to file for citizenship in this country. Absolutely not.

**4patria:** I've no desire to give money to a greedy government with a figurehead monarchy. None whatsoever.

**wineb4beer:** they can't even organise a strike properly

**4patria:** Pathetic. 

**4patria:** (That, and filing for citizenship would be terribly final and I'm not ready to commit to living here just yet. For multiple reasons.)

**wineb4beer:** you miss the food over here too much?

**wineb4beer:** jeremy kyle getting you down?

**4patria:** More than a recovering addict misses their fix (though one could argue that's exactly what I am -- you, of course, being my fix. We're not going there).

**4patria:** Don't even start me on that crap.

**wineb4beer:** well I know that feeling, (i miss you too idiot)

**4patria:** So long as your keeping away from yours. (You better.)

**4patria:** Wait -- crap. I've got to head off to work. If I don't leave now, I'll be late. Love you.

**wineb4beer:** I love you toooooooooooooooooooooo

**wineb4beer:** oxoxoxoxo

**4patria:** So much love. If you're around when I get home, we'll talk then.

_[4patria is now offline]_

_[wineb4beer is now offline]_

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! We're so glad you've taken interest in our fic and figured we'd give you a bit of background on what's going on before you continue, as some of it may not be explicitly stated throughout the piece. Basically, Enjolras is on work placement in England and Grantaire is back home in France working as a freelance graphic designer. Separation ain't easy, but they're making it work through various mediums of communication- which is exactly what you guys get to see. This is basically a memoir of their letters, emails, notes, and chat logs to each other while they're apart. The first email (seen above) is set about a month into Enjolras moving to London, and we're going to go from there.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy! x  
> moritz & angelaofthelord
> 
>    
>  **UPDATE 08.10.2013:** We've got a fanmix! There are two parts- one for Enjolras, one for Grantaire- and we suggest you listen to each, especially while reading their respective parts. The fanmix can be found here: ([x](http://m0ntparnasse.tumblr.com/post/63356645120/worlds-away-a-mix-for-long-distance-lovers)) Thanks again for all the love and support! xx

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [I Could Hold You In My Arms, I Could Hold You Forever.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/999713) by [moritz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moritz/pseuds/moritz)
  * [Into Eternity](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1158448) by [angelaofthelord](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelaofthelord/pseuds/angelaofthelord)




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